"THIRD-CLASS SINGLE TO RUSWARP, PLEASE, AND A DOG-TICKET. HOW MUCH?"
"FOURPENCE-HALFPENNY--THREEPENCE FOR THE DOG, AND THREE-HALFPENCE FOR YOURSELF."
"AH! YOU RECKON BY _LEGS_ ON THIS LINE."]
(_An Exercise to be Translated from English into any Foreign Language_.)
This is a thoroughly British home. I find chairs, sofas, curtains, and carpets. They all seem to be of British manufacture.
No, they are not of British manufacture. On the contrary, they are all made in Germany.
But surely this window is English? No, it is not English; it is put together in Sweden, and erected by Swiss workmen.
But are not these pictures, these fire-irons, these card-tables, of home growth? No, for the pictures come from France, the fire-irons from Belgium, and the card-tables from Austria.
The sofa, however, was surely bought in London? It may have been bought in London, but it was certainly made in Denmark.
But the brass nails mast have arrived from Sheffield? No, they are now received from parts of Portugal, Spain, and Northern Russia.
And the coal-scuttles, surely they are made in Lambeth, Manchester, and Liverpool? They were manufactured in those places for a while, when other branches of trade were lost to the country, but for a long time they have been imported from Constantinople.
It may be assumed that the coals come from Newcastle? Certainly not, considering that they have only just been received from New York.
Are the bread and butter, and the other ingredients of the tea-table, English? Oh dear no; the toast comes from Australia, the tea from Ceylon, the sugar from the South Pole, and the butter from Gibraltar.
It really would appear that there is nothing English about the house; nothing save the rent and taxes, which of course are of home growth? You are correct in your supposition; however, in exchange for these conveniences from abroad, we have made a present to the foreigner of something once held very dear in this country.
Our trade. English trade has left England, probably permanently, for the Continent.
["Let me draw the People's pictures, and whosoever will may preach their sermons."--_Maxims of Punchius_.]
"Pictures from _Punch_!" Good lack! How one's memories backward it carries. This artful collection of BRIGGSES, and TOMPKINSES, ROBERTS, and 'ARRIES! Forage of fifty years from Art--granaries fuller than Coptic! What first pleased our grandfather's eye may now brighten our grandchild's blue optic! Art that's humane never ages, and humour that's human's perennial. Turn to these pages and try! You'll perceive that impeccable TENNIEL Moved men to mirth in the Fifties that folks in the Nineties continue; Your midriff indeed must be numb if his Yeomanry Major won't win you; And such "Illustrations to Shakspeare," so finely drawn and so funnily, Might tickle Miss DELIA BACON, and knock sawdust out of "crank" DONNELLY. Why praise those plump, "pretty girls," with their cheeks round and rosy as peaches, And as full of fun as of beauty, well known to the world as JOHN LEECH'S? All the fan of the _Fair_! Still their arch eyes attractively flash on The British male creature, although he _may_ growl at the follies of Fashion. But e'en fashion cannot kill fun. If you'd enter the evergreen Smile-Lands, Turn over to page twenty-one and accompany BRIGGS to the Highlands! _Br-r-r-r_! There's a happy explosion in each individual picture! "Sport" such as BRIGGS'S escapes the most "humanitarian" stricture. KEANE--gentle CARLO! again! His braw feeshermen--even o' Sundays!-- Might soften a Scotch Sabbatarian. Even the grimmest of GRUNDIES _Must_ smile at his topers and tubthumpers, while, as for true English scenery, Where _is_ the magical touch that could so render gay breadths of greenery? Drawing-room humours, and dainty _technique_, do you favour? Fame's _laurier_, Everyone knows--as here proved--for all that falls on subtle DU MAURIER. "DICKY DOYLE'S" opulent fancy, quaint SAMBOURNE'S exhaustless invention-- But there, 'tis a "Humorous Art Gallery" by "Great Hands" too many to mention. When you have feasted on TENNIEL and KEANE, then of PARTRIDGE the turn is, And fed full on JOHN LEECH'S "fire," you will find lots of ditto in FURNISS. "Pictures from _Punch_!" That means pictures from full half a century's story; Humours, and fashions, and fads, English Mirth--English Girls--English Glory! VICTORIA'S reign set to laughter; a gay panorama of Beauty! Buy Britons, study, enjoy! 'Tis your interest, aye, and your duty! Here are "England--Home--Beauty" in one, and at sixpence a month. That's not much, man! If 'tis not your duty to "see that you get it," then _Punch_ is a Dutchman!