1057. A little boy having been much praised for his quickness of reply, a gentleman present observed, that when children were keen in their youth, they were generally stupid and dull when they advanced in years, and _vice versâ_. What a very sensible boy, sir, must you have been! returned the child.
1058. At an examination for the degree of B.A. in the Senate House, Cambridge, under an examiner whose name was Payne, one of the moral questions was, Give a definition of happiness. To which one of the candidates returned the following laconic answer, An exemption from Payne.
1059. A student of St. John’s College, who was remarkable for his larks and eccentricities, during the time he was dining in hall, called to a _bon vivant_, at another table, to say, that he had got a fine fox in his rooms, for him. This being overheard by the marker, who was a kind of mongrel fetch-and-carry to a certain dean, and who understood the student in a literal sense, he informed the dean of the circumstance. The student was very soon summoned before the master and seniors, for what he knew not; however, on entering, he was informed, they had learned he kept a fox in his rooms, a thing not to be tolerated by the college. It is very true, replied the accused; I have a bust of Charles James Fox, at your service.
1060. When the celebrated Beau Nash was ill, Dr. Cheyne wrote a prescription for him. The next day, the doctor coming to see his patient, inquired if he had followed his prescription? No, truly, doctor, replied Nash, if I had I should have broken my neck, for I threw it out of a two pair of stairs window.
1061. The son of a fond father, when going to war, promised to bring home the head of one of the enemy. His parent replied, I should be glad to see you come home without a head, provided you come safe.
1062. Dr. Cheyne, of Bath, and a Mr. Santly, were deemed the two fattest men in Somersetshire. When they were once sitting together after dinner, Cheyne asked the other what made him look so melancholy? Faith, replied he, I was thinking how it will be possible for the people to get either you or me to the grave after we die. Why, as to me, replied Cheyne, six or eight stout fellows will do the business, but you must be taken at twice.