Well, of course, it came to a finish at last; and Jovial Jem was rusticated; “Rusticated, by the Hookey!” to use his own remarkable words, “and recommended not to come up again. Well out of it, too, in my opinion: and as to another round, why if I do, I _do_; _but_ if I do, I’m—!”
Old Plumtree was grievously disappointed, of course. By the way, I know very few cases in which sons do not disappoint their fathers. I suppose it would be difficult to persuade the latter that the former are not exclusively in fault. Old Squaretoes lays down a course of conduct for his child, totally irrespective of the feelings, inclination, and disposition of the latter. Then, if young Squaretoes don’t fit the groove, and slide easily down the metal, he is undutiful, disobedient, ungrateful, everything that the Prodigal Son was, before he came to eating husks amongst the swine. If young S. turn out “slow,” ten to one but old S., in suicidal folly, wishes he “had a spice more devil in him.” If he be fast, the governor shakes in his shoes, foreseeing debts, bills, acceptances, renewals, and eventual penury. If he make a figure in the world on his own wings, taking warning by Icarus, and scorning to use the paternal pinions, his father is often jealous of his success. If, on the contrary, he remain in secure and humble obscurity, then the cry is, “Why, the lad has no spirit in him! Look at what I should have done at his age, _and with his advantages_!” Good masters make good servants. Unselfish and considerate fathers, more than people are aware of, make attached and dutiful sons.
So Jovial Jem came home, and took up his abode at The Ashes, completely upsetting the regularity of that establishment, where, in his absence, everything went on like clockwork. For his own sake, Mr. Plumtree senior gave his son a couple of rooms, shut off from the rest of the mansion by double doors of baize, through which the fumes of latakia could not possibly penetrate, and ordered the domestics to serve their young master with breakfast and dinner at his own hours, when required, in his own apartments. By this arrangement, the heir was wonderfully little in his father’s way; and unless the pair happened to meet on a summer’s morning, when the old one was going to his hay-field, fresh and rosy, and the young one returning from a junketing, pale and exhausted, father and son often did not see each other for weeks. Consequently, they got on admirably. Young Plumtree swore “The Governor was a dear old bird; crotchety of course, but a regular brick nevertheless;” and old Plumtree, who always took a solemn pinch of snuff before he delivered himself of a remark, was fond of stating, very slowly and distinctly, that “Young men won’t settle at once. Can’t expect it, sir—can’t expect it! But the lad’s got something in him. If we could only get _at_ it, sir! if we could only get _at_ it!”