“I cannot describe to you the alarm and horror of that moment. I could not shake him off. I had not strength to move the weighty mass. I dreaded, of all things, making a scene and disturbing the whole company, and called as loudly as the immense weight pressing upon my throat and bosom would allow me to do, for ‘Nino!’ But, alas! Nino had been deputed to the kitchen a few minutes before in search of the receipt for the _artichauts à la Barigoul_, and I was, therefore, compelled to support this ponderous mass unheeded, unobserved. In spite of the alarm and the personal inconvenience which I felt, for the big drops of perspiration were rolling down my face, and every muscle was strained to the utmost, yet was there something so ridiculous in the whole scene, that had it not been for that livid countenance so close to my own, those goggling, protruding eyeballs so close to mine, it would almost have created laughter; but it was too horrible! I shall never forget the expression of that face; it will haunt me to my dying day.
“How long I might have remained in this ludicrous position I know not, for every one was busy and boisterous, chatting and laughing with his neighbour; even the traitor La Bernardière had turned away and was now in full heat of a good story, which he was recounting to his companion on the other side, leaving me, as he imagined, fully occupied with the seduction of the archbishop. At length my deliverance was accomplished, the ever-watchful Nino, all breathless and panting hot from the kitchen, perceived my danger even from the door of the banqueting-hall, and, bounding across the floor, seized his master by the collar and pulled him backwards with violence into his chair, where he lay, motionless. By a simultaneous movement, as if attracted by some magic spell, the whole company turned at once towards us;—a cry of horror burst from the guests at the contemplation of that ghastly countenance. The confusion, of course, became general, every seat was abandoned, and the guests crowded round us with recommendations and offers of assistance; but the screaming voice of the piebald ‘Nino’ was heard loud above the hubbub and confusion. ‘Leave him to me; I know him of old. Stand back. Lord, as if this were the first time! You see he only wants to breathe, and he can’t, because his teeth are closed.’ With these words he seized upon the poor archbishop, and after looking round the table in vain for an instrument, he drew from his pocket a huge iron door-key, and attempted, with the effort of a Hercules, to force it between the set, clenched jaws of the archbishop. But alas! they were already set and clenched in death, and no human power could now avail.