Mariam A.
A self-portrait. Since his identity as a gay man was discovered, Ashkan Shabani's life has been in danger, with his parents pursuing him to kill him in order to preserve their honor. Photo by Shababi. Used with permission. Ashkan Shabani shared his personal journey as an Iranian photographer and a member of the LGBTQ+ community in a Zoom interview with Global Voices. He also shared some of his experiences within the community while residing in Turkey. Selected photos are showcased throughout the article, providing a visual representation of his journey. This interview has been edited for clarity. In 2020, as the world battled to survive the COVID-19 pandemic, Ashkan Shabani faced his own battle for survival. For 13 years, he concealed his true identity as a gay man, living in secrecy, with his family in Iran. However, the delicate balance shattered when his father discovered him with his boyfriend of eight years. What followed was a nightmare, transforming his life from unfulfilled duplicity to a desperate fight for survival. He was faced with two options: a mental institution or death. A self-portrait of Ashkan and his partner in a serene place in the northern jungles of Iran by the Caspian Sea. Photo provided by Shabani. Used with permission. I hadn't seen my boyfriend in a long time due to the quarantine restrictions, and in a moment of misjudgment, I made a grave mistake. I invited him over, knowing that my parents were not at home. My father returned home earlier, catching us both off guard. Shock and panic surged through me. I instinctively urged my boyfriend to run for his safety. My father's fury erupted, and he beat me mercilessly. At 26 years old, I felt powerless to stop him. Growing up with relentless beatings and constant humiliation made finding the courage to fight back incredibly challenging. My father presented me with two choices: commit myself to a mental institution where I would be subjected to electroconvulsive therapy to “cure” my homosexuality, or face death. I chose to flee. A projection of executed gay men in Iran. Ashkan lives in fear of a similar fate. Human rights activists estimate that between 4,000 and 6,000 people have been executed in Iran for their sexual orientation since 1979. Photo by Shabani. Used with permission. For over four decades, Iran has denied the existence of LGBTQ+ individuals, creating a bleak reality where their mere existence is met with the constant threat of execution. Same-sex relationships are widely stigmatized, and official policies severely restrict the community's ability to live normal lives. As a result, the LGBTQ+ community in Iran faces systemic suppression, discrimination, family rejection, and legal obstacles. A family portrait of Ashkan and his Parents by the Caspian Sea in northern Iran as a child. Photo provided by Shabani. Used with permission. Shabani was born in Iran, near the Caspian Sea, and grew up in a deeply conservative environment. His parents exerted a suffocating level of control over every aspect of his life, dictating his clothing, his activities, and even his social interactions. However, the most agonizing aspect of his upbringing was the abuse. I suffered from extensive childhood abuse at the hands of my parents. My father would use sharp objects to cut me when I didn't pray, study enough, or play according to his expectations. To this day, the scars on my hand serve as a reminder of the pain I endured. He would force-feed me hot pepper and inflict burns on my skin by heating spoons on the stove. He suspected that I was different…Perhaps too different. Being different was something Shabani himself struggled to comprehend. As a child, his behavior didn't align with societal expectations for boys. Instead of engaging in “typical” activities such as playing soccer or with toy guns and cars, his preferred games involved what were perceived as feminine pursuits such as preparing food or playing house with girls. In elementary school, I felt something was off, but I couldn’t understand what. This made it incredibly hard to accept myself. I felt completely alone, with no one to seek guidance from and no information. To make matters worse, I was constantly being beaten up by my family who were trying to hide my nature from other family members. I was clueless and believed I was the only person experiencing these feelings. I would pray to God, begging Him to change me. During high school, I gained access to the internet in an internet café. Initially, the Persian database was limited, but when I started searching in English, it opened up a whole new world. I learnt the word gay, and then I realized my own nature. I learnt that there were many people out there just like me.