I observe him for a while With a highly-tickled smile, For it is the queerest style Ever seen: He is very short and stout, And he knocks the ball about, But he never gets it out On the green.
Still I watch him chop and hack, Till I hear a sudden crack, And the club-head makes a track In the light-- There' s a startled cry of "FORE!" As it flies, and all is o'er!-- I remember nothing more Till to-night,
When I find myself in bed With a lump upon my head Like a penny loaf of bread; And methinks, For the future I'll take care, When I want a little air, That I won't go anywhere Near the Links.
I've always done my best to please, Then wherefore do they scoff? A headless ghost, in days like these, Is very badly off.
Some say, for MYERS we ought to go, And some for Mr. STEAD. I really can't profess to know, For I have lost my head.
They come and ask me for a key To life's dark prison cell. Oh, what's the use of asking _me?_ However can _I_ tell?
I do not understand the speech Of all these learned men. Wildly I wave my hand at each, Again and yet again.
I feel that I have stayed too late, And yet I can't move on. I'm utterly inadequate, Because my head is gone.
I wish I were I don't know what, I wish that I were dead. _I don't know if I am or not_, For I have lost my head!
"Cricket was a far superior game to golf or tennis," said Lord KNUTSFORD to the members of the Victoria Park Cricket Association; and he went on to tell a story of the first introduction of cricket to Tonga, one of the Pacific Islands. Everybody took up the game so heartily that State affairs were allowed to slide altogether, and at last the King of TONGA had to lay down rules as to the times when the game might be indulged in. "Even then the Prime Minister was with difficulty prevented from bowling during forbidden hours." For Tonga read Westminster--where a good deal of _tongue_--ah!--goes on--and we get a result something like this:--
"After the usual luncheon interval, the Leader of the Opposition and the ex-Umpire-General faced the delivery of the First Commissioner of Stumps and the Scorin' Secretary. The punishment inflicted by the former on the bowling led to a Cabinet crisis, ending in the Secretary of State resigning his office and the leather to the Lord High Wicket-keep. The result of this change was soon apparent, for the Leader of the Opposition was clean bowled by a quotation from _Hansard_, and his place was taken by a prominent member from below the Opposition Gangway.