It is much harder to keep on the Water Wagon than on a bucking broncho.—Remington.
A watered-silk vest is not a badge of temperance. Never judge a man by his vest.—Woodruff.
Barometer dry and blistered. Mercury bubbling.
At roll-call we were shy twenty passengers. The Captain thinks the ones unaccounted for fell overboard during the excitement at Larchmont.
Hennessy Martel, Tom Ginn, and several others are in double irons for cheering the enemy. All the souse-renunciators are suffering tortures from the frightful drouth. Tom Ginn declares that he has had a regular stokehole thirst ever since we left Larchmont, and Hennessy Martel offers to swap his Panhard and fifty shares of unassessable Hot Copper for three fingers of lumberjack rye.
Poor Turner Van Newleaf was found sitting on the sprinkler trolling for wine-jellyfish and chattering to himself. Doctor Zoolak dry-cupped him and sponged his mouth with Blisterine.
10 A. M.—Sighted a night school of whales galloping after the Lithia. The wise Mate says this is a sure sign of a Jonah on board. A committee of five, headed by the puzzle editor of Golden Days, has been appointed to find the Jonah.
Clark Dearborn, champion half-shot putter of the Chicago Athletic Club, claimed to have seen two swordfish fencing off the weather bow. Doctor Zoolak roped him, threw him, and tied him in thirty seconds, breaking the Montana record.
The citizens of the Gap turned out in a body and gave us a royal welcome. The Mayor, in a happy little speech, presented the freedom of the city and the great key to the water-works, both of which we were compelled to decline on account of the serious condition of our passengers.
A chorus of young ladies, carrying a white banneret of watered silk, with the motto “Purity” and a crocheted picture of Moses smiting the rock, raised their sweet young voices in the affecting song:
“Wait for the Wagon, Wait for the Wagon, Wait for the Wagon, And we’ll all take a ride.”
Jack Redwood and Hy Jinks, of the ’Frisco Bohemian Club, cut in with a barber-shop tenor and a sterilized barytone, and were promptly and loudly hissed by the snakes in the trailer.
Hennessy Martel hogged the limelight by offering to loop the Water Gap in a ball-bearing catamaran, without the aid of a net, and the Captain, scenting trouble, side-stepped the Gap and made a quick getaway.