I gave some explicit instructions regarding my funeral. I want to become a real fine mummy, bound in A No. 1, four ply tire tape, and tattooed by a good undertaker. The case is to be waterproof. I make a special request that I shall never be exhibited in a museum. But—I don’t want to be a mummy for a few centuries.
Tomorrow I’ll be a rich man. We are going to have a rabbit and turtle race. Bet all the officers 5 to 1 on the turtle. I saw all the officers winking, but they don’t know I got a tip from Æsop’s animal book. It may be wrong to bet on a sure thing, but the money will stay in the family anyway.—Held another lifeboat drill today. The boat was in the ocean in one hour. That was a big improvement. Everything went all right, only we couldn’t find the oars.
Held the derby today. I’m a ruined man. Threw that nature-faker’s book overboard. He was either like most authors, or he had a different kind of a turtle. By jove, my turtle hadn’t reached the first hurdle before the rabbit was under the wire.—Insisted on another lifeboat drill. I don’t know what’s the matter with that crew of mine. Two hours were spent in getting the boat in the sea. I’m not going to let them practise any more.
The ice machine broke today. Engineer spent the whole day trying to repair it. I tried also, but the engine was like a Chinese puzzle to me.—The poor polar bears are suffering. Ordered the women folks to take turns fanning them.—I am greatly worried.
Still Ham couldn’t fix that machine. Wish I had brought a good engineer along. He says it works perfectly with the exception of making ice. The ladies threaten a strike on the fanning business. The water in the seals’ tank is getting warm. The seals and sea-lions are shedding their fur. Have decided to take the Ark to the polar regions until the engine is repaired. Of course, I couldn’t find the north pole chart. Shem’s astronomy came in to good advantage. He suggested heading for the north star. I just knew his education would come in handy some day.—Tonight we are sailing northward and I wish we were there. This worry is liable to drive me to an asylum.—Postponed my bath.
No time for services.—That ice machine still stays out of commission. Ham blames me. It seems the rule book was thrown overboard the night of the storm.—Shem tried to fix the machine this afternoon. He had several good repair theories, but it won’t make ice.—Mrs. Noah complains of two sore wrists. Mrs. Ham declares she never did like polar bears. I think she would like to see the seals die, and then she would ask for their skins.—We are going like the wind. Ordered a forced draught for the engines.—Passed lots of stars. At this rate we ought to get to the pole in a hurry.—Cooler.