"There was no reply. The small white hand did not move.
"'Who's there?' he repeated. 'Answer me or I'll shoot.'
"Snooks cautiously raised himself, took careful aim and fired.
"From that night on he's limped. Shot off two of his own toes."
When Lawrence Barrett's daughter was married Stuart Robson sent a check for $5000 to the bridegroom. The comedian's daughter, Felicia Robson, who attended the wedding conveyed the gift.
"Felicia," said her father upon her return, "did you give him the check?"
"He didn't say anything," replied Miss Felicia, "but he shed tears."
"Why Father, I didn't time him. I should say, however, that he wept fully a minute."
"Fully a minute," mused Robson. "Why, Daughter, I cried an hour after I signed it."
A church house in a certain rural district was sadly in need of repairs. The official board had called a meeting of the parishioners to see what could be done toward raising the necessary funds. One of the wealthiest and stingiest of the adherents of that church arose and said that he would give five dollars, and sat down.
Just then a bit of plastering fell from the ceiling and hit him squarely upon the head. Whereupon he jumped up, looked confused and said: "I--er--I meant I'll give fifty dollars!" then again resumed his seat.
After a brief silence a voice was heard to say: "O Lord, hit 'im again!"
He gives twice who gives quickly because the collectors come around later on and hit him for another subscription.--_Puck_.
"Presents," I often say, "endear Absents."--_Charles Lamb_.
In giving, a man receives more than he gives, and the more is in proportion to the worth of the thing given.--_George MacDonald_.
A clergyman was quite ill as a result of eating many pieces of mince pie.
A brother minister visited him and asked him if he was afraid to die.
"No," the sick man replied, "But I should be ashamed to die from eating too much."
There was a young person named Ned, Who dined before going to bed, On lobster and ham And salad and jam, And when he awoke he was dead.
Two Scotchmen met and exchanged the small talk appropriate to the hour. As they were parting to go supperward Sandy said to Jock:
"Jock, mon, I'll go ye a roond on the links in the morrn'."
"Aye, mon, the morrn'," said Sandy. "I'll go ye a roond on the links in the morrn'."