By setting ourselves up, I do not mean puffing and pretending, or putting on airs of haughtiness or arrogance; or any affectation whatever. But there are those--and some of them are persons of good sense, in many respects, who can scarcely answer properly, when addressed, or look the person with whom they are conversing in the face; and who often render themselves ridiculous _for fear they shall be so_. I have seen a man of respectable talents, who, in conversation never raised his eyes higher than the tassels of his friend's boots; and another who could never converse without turning half or three quarters round, so as to present his shoulder or the backside of his head, instead of a plain, honest face.
I have known young men _injured_ by bashfulness. It is vain to say that it should not be so. The world is not what it should be, in many respects; _and I must insist_ that it is our duty, to take it as it is, in order to make it better, or even in order to live in it with comfort. He that _thinks_ he _shall_ not, most surely _will_ not, please. A man of sense, and knowledge of the world, will assert his own rights, and pursue his own purposes as steadily and uninterruptedly as the most impudent man living; but then there is at the same time an air of modesty in all he does; while an overbearing or impudent _manner_ of doing the same things, would undoubtedly have given offence. Hence a certain wise man has said; 'He who knows the world will not be too bashful; and he who knows himself will never be impudent.'
Perpetual embarrassment in company or in conversation, is sometimes even construed into meanness. Avoid,--if you can do it, without too great a sacrifice--every appearance of deserving a charge so weighty.
SECTION XIII. _Politeness and Good-Breeding._
Awkwardness is scarcely more tolerable than bashfulness. It must proceed from one of two things; either from not having kept good company, or from not having derived any benefit from it. Many very worthy people have certain odd tricks, and ill habits, that excite a prejudice against them, which it is not easy to overcome. Hence the importance of _good-breeding_.
Now there are not a few who despise all these _little things_ of life, as they call them; and yet much of their lives is taken up with them, small as they are. And since these self same little things cannot be dispensed with, is it not better that they should be done in the easiest, and at the same time the pleasantest manner possible?