You think you're awfully funny, don't you? Humph! I do more for the Church, for education, art, science than all the rest of the family combined. Incidentally, I'm not divorced.... But this is a practical world, Theodore, I've got to protect my own.
Ah! I have it! I know how to keep them apart!
Be careful, John--these two love each other.
Yes, young people still fall in love. Whether we make it hard or easy for them--they _will_ do it. But, mark my words, unless we _reform marriage_, there is going to be a sympathetic _strike_ against it--as there is already against having children. Instead of making it harder to get apart, we've got to make it easier to stay together. Otherwise the ancient bluff will soon be called!
All right, I'm not divorced yet,... still in the conspiracy of silence.
[_HELEN appears at the door. A sudden silence._
[_kissing THEODORE and JUDGE affectionately_]
I'm _so_ sorry to hear about dear Mary. [_To JUDGE._] But why didn't Aunt Julia come? Is she ill, too?
She's gone to Re-Re-Rio Janeiro--I mean to Santa Barbara--wants a complete change--The Rest Cure. [_To THEODORE apart._] Lie number one.
[_Another silence. LUCY makes tea for HELEN._
Oh, it's in the air. Everybody's talking about it nowadays.
[_She sips tea, and the others look conscious._
My dear, marriage is woman's only true career.
So Lucy tells me, Cousin Theodore. But a woman cannot pursue her career, she must be pursued by it; otherwise she is unwomanly.
Ahem. As we passed through the library a while ago, I think I saw your little sister being pursued by her career.
Yes, uncle, but Jean is a true woman. I'm only a New Woman.
All the same, you'll be an old woman some day--if you don't watch out.
Ah, yes, my life's a failure. I haven't trapped a man into a contract to support me.
[_picks up knitting bag and does her best to look like "just an old-fashioned wife"_]
You ought to be ashamed! Making marriage so mercenary. Helen, dear, haven't you New Women any sentiment?
Enough sentiment not to make a mercenary marriage, Lucy, dear.
Ahem! And what kind of a marriage do you expect to make?
What! You don't believe in holy matrimony?
Only as a last extremity, uncle, like unholy divorce.
I know all about it! [_Others jump._] I have been reading up on the subject.