I tried my best to keep my brain Healthy, sound, and free from pain; I never had it suffer aught From exercise of weighty thought. All extra care and overwork, My great ambition was to shirk; To save the tissues of my mind, I’ve always been somewhat inclined! I’d study just to struggle through, But not enough to make me blue, Nor any recreation miss, Which now I think accounts for this Entire health which is my boast, That over study might have lost.
In moderation thus I went From grade to grade, and was content. In tricks and trifling, mirth and fun, Was always passing number one. The teachers vexed at every turn, And wanting me to leave or learn, Would often help me gladly through Their special class into a new, Thus hoping then and there to find More occupation for my mind, And for themselves relief and rest. How little my adieus distressed; For those bereft of such a prize Looked coolly on with driest eyes!
Once or twice I skipped a grade, And cast the good girls in the shade, Thus rid that teacher most entire Of all the mischief I’d inspire; ’Twas less in learning than in luck, Together with my tact and pluck, That helped me prematurely through, But that is nothing odd or new.
I gushed as much at my advance As though it was no game of chance, And never hinted in the least, As honors on me so increased, ’Twas troubled teachers pushing me To get me through thus rapidly.
So thus, for two years and a half-- I think of it, and have to laugh-- I spent the chequered, closing days Of school life, with its blame and praise, Till all at once the president, On my departure firmly bent, Informed me I must now begin My graduating bays to win. He seemed quite glad to have me leave, Indeed, there’s no one seemed to grieve About my going at this date, So I resolved to graduate.
My parting essay now I write, And try sad feelings to excite. I use the most pathetic strain, As though I’d willingly remain To share those sweet scholastic joys That leaving school at once destroys. I tried to make their bosoms sigh For blessings now about to fly.
But, ah! alas, what cool content My phrases to their faces lent! I sadly spoke of happy scenes Of school life, with its hopes and dreams, Of patient teachers, just and kind, And wondered if we’d ever find In life again, such friends as these, (And, aside, I thought) as hard to please.