One mistake, I think, is often made by sisters, and still more often by mothers, to which attention should be called. The unselfishness of the sisters, and the fondness of the mother for her boy, and the fact that the boy is but rarely at home, all contribute to a habit of sacrificing everything to the young lad’s pleasure or profit, which has the worst effect on his character in after-life. Boys receive from women themselves in the nursery, and when they come home from school in the holidays, a regular _education in selfishness_. They acquire the practice of looking on girls and women as persons whose interests, education, and pleasures must always, as a matter of course, be postponed to their own. In later life, we rue—and their wives may rue—the consequences.
The duties of sisters to sisters are even more close and tender than those of sisters to brothers. I hardly know if there be any salient fault in the usual behavior of English sisters to one another which any moral system could set right. Perhaps the one quality oftenest deficient in this, and other more distant family relationships, to which we need not further refer,—uncles, aunts, cousins, and so on—is _courtesy_. “Too much familiarity,” as the proverb says, “breeds contempt.” The habit of treating one another without the little forms in use among other friends, and the horrid trick of speaking rudely of each other’s defects or mishaps, is the underlying source of half the alienation of relatives. If we are bound to show _special benevolence_ to those nearest to us, why on earth do we give them pain at every turn, rub them the wrong way, and _froisser_ their natural _amour propre_ by unflattering remarks or unkind references? For once we can do them a real service of any kind, we can (if we live with them) hurt, or else please, them fifty times a day. The individual who thinks she performs her duty to sister or niece, or cousin, while she waits to do the exceptional services, and hourly frets and worries and humiliates her, is certainly exceedingly mistaken. Genuine benevolence—the “_will to make happy_”—will take a very different course.
It will not be necessary here to pursue further the subject of the duties arising from the ties of natural relationship, holy and blessed things that they are! I am persuaded that even the best and happiest of us only half-apprehend their beautiful meaning, and that we must look to the life beyond the grave to interpret for us all their significance.