I was now reduced to as disagreeable a situation as can well be conceived. I had, from a point of honour, and from ancient friendship, gone all lengths for a man who I perceived had much more system than warmth of affection. My secrets were communicated to a babbler; and it would be known that I had tried every quiver to wound the Ministers, without finding a single arrow to my purpose. The only thing that remained to do, I did--I kept my temper; and neither let Conway nor any man else suspect the mortifications I underwent. It had been double pleasure to my enemies to know I was not content with _him_; and to have let _him_ know it, had disappointed the purposes to which I might still apply him both for his sake and my own. I wished to repair the hurt I had done him; nor till that was effected, could I accomplish my own object of withdrawing myself entirely from politics. The only notice I therefore took of what had passed, was at times to declare to Conway and others of the party, that I was so little satisfied with the conduct of the Opposition, that though I would never desert them while they remained oppressed, yet was I determined to take my leave of them as a party the moment, if ever that moment should arrive, in which they should be successful. This declaration I afterwards found as satisfactory to myself as it had been honest to those with whom I acted; and how much I was in earnest in making this resolution, my adherence to it will demonstrate.
There was perhaps a greater difficulty attending us than all I have mentioned, though not very likely to befall us. It was, what answer we should make to a question Lord John Cavendish very sensibly put to me in one of our conversations. “If we do get the better,” said he, “whom can we make Ministers?” It had been to no purpose to answer, “I do not care whom.” Unless we could form an Administration, we must remain in Opposition. The event did happen; we were offered, and could not furnish out a Ministry; and yet it once more fell into our hands by a concourse of ridiculous circumstances, that if they do not ennoble History, yet render it perhaps more entertaining than revolutions of more serious complexion.