Asa Well done, Britisher. Wal, now, about that ship?
Dun I want all my influence, sir, for my own w--w--welations. [Stammering.]
Asa Oh! you want it for your own w--w--welations. [Mimicing.]
Dun I say, sir. [Asa pretends deafness. This bus. is ad. lib.]
Dun He's hard of hearing, and thinks he's in a balloon. Mister.
Dun He thinks he can hear with his nose. I say--
Dundreary turns Asa's nose around with his thumb. Asa puts his two hands up to Dundreary's.
Dun Now he thinks he's a musical instrument. I say--
Dun You stutter. I'll give you a k--k--k--
Dun I'll give you a c--c--card to a doctor and he'll c--c--c--
Dun He's idiotic. I don't mean that, he'll cure you.
Asa Wal, if you're cured I want to stay sick. He must be a mighty smart man.
Asa Wal, darn me, if there ain't a physiological change taking place. Your whiskers at this moment--
Asa Yes, about the ends they're as black as a niggers in billing time, and near the roots they're all speckled and streaked.
Dun [Horror struck.] My whiskers speckled and streaked?
Asa [Showing bottle.] Now, this is a wonderful invention.
Puts arm on shoulder. Asa repeats Dundreary business, putting on eyeglass, hopping round the stage and stroking whiskers.
Dun He's mad, he's deaf, he squints, stammers and he's a hopper.
Asa Now, look here, you get the Lieut. a ship and I'll give you the bottle. It's a fine swap.
Asa Well, you give me the ship, and I'll give you the bottle to boot.
Dun What do I want of your boots? I haven't got a ship about me.
Asa You'd better make haste or your whiskers will be changed again. They'll be a pea green in about a minute.
Dun [Crosses to L.] Pea green! [Exits hastily into house.]
Asa I guess I've got a ring in his nose now. I wonder how that sick gal is getting along? Wal, darn me, if the dying swallow ain't pitching into ham and eggs and home-made bread, wal, she's a walking into the fodder like a farmer arter a day's work rail splitting. I'll just give her a start. How de do, Miss, allow me to congratulate you on the return of your appetite. [Georgina scream.] Guess I've got a ring in her pretty nose now. [Looks off, R.] Hello! here comes the lickers and shooters, it's about time I took my medicine, I reckon.
Enter, from R. 2. E., Sir E., Mrs. M. Florence, Vernon, Augusta, De Boots, Wickens, Coyle, Sharpe, Binny, Skillet, Buddicombe, two servants in livery, carrying tray and glasses, a wine basket containing four bottles to represent champagne, knife to cut strings, some powerful acid in one bottle for Asa--pop sure.