THE LAST WORDS AND TESTAMENT OF ROBERT LOGIC.
Being wide _awake_--my UPPER STORY in perfect repair--and _down_ to what I am about--I have seized hold of the _feather_, with a firm hand, to render myself intelligible, and also to communicate the objects I have in view; I give and bequeath unto my friend, JERRY HAWTHORN, Esq., my _tile_, my _castor_, my _topper_, my _upper-crust_, my _pimple coverer_, otherwise MY HAT, which, I hope, will never be the means of changing the appearance of “an old friend with a new face.” To my out and out friend and companion, CORINTHIAN TOM, I give my _spread_, my _summer-cabbage_, my _water-plant_, but more generally understood as my UMBRELLA; who, I feel assured will never let it be made use of as a _shelter_ for duplicity, ingratitude, or hum-buggery of any sort! Also, to JERRY HAWTHORN, Esq., I resign my _fam-snatchers_, _i.e._, my GLOVES, under the consideration, if ever he should part with them, that they are only to be worn by those persons, who have “a _hand_ to give, and a _heart_ that forgives!” Likewise to JERRY HAWTHORN, Esq., I bequeath my _four-eyes_, my _barnacles_, my _green-specs_, but amongst opticians, denominated SPECTACLES. It is my sincere wish, that nothing _green_ will be ever seen appertaining to them, except their _colour_; I also hope they will not, upon any occasion whatever _magnify_ TRIFLES into _difficulties_: but enable the wearer to see his way through LIFE as clear as _crystal_! I press upon JERRY HAWTHORN, Esq., his acceptance of my _fogle_, my _wipe_, my _clout_, my _sneezer_, politely termed a SILK HANDKERCHIEF. This article has often been used to _wipe_ off a tear of pity, and always forthcoming at a tale of _distress_; may it ever be at _hand_ on such Christian-like occasions! To PHILIP TIMOTHY SPLINTER, Esq., I bequeath my _upper tog_, my _Benjaman_, my _wrapper_, generally called a TOP COAT, with the advice, that however it may be _mended_ and _mended_ again, he will never let it be _turned_ against unavoidable misfortune, and charity. My _ticker_, my _tatler_, my _thimble_, otherwise my WATCH, I bequeath to JERRY HAWTHORN, Esq., as an emblematical gift to keep TIME upon all occasions--to remember its inestimable value, and also to recollect that he will, some day or another, be _wound-up_ for the last _time_. My two SEALS I give conjointly to my most valued and dear friends, CORINTHIAN TOM and JERRY HAWTHORN, Esqrs., in order, if possible, that the bonds of friendship may be more firmly _sealed_ between them, to the end of their lives. To Miss MARY ROSEBUD, I give and bequeath my DIAMOND RING, as a representative of her excellent brilliant qualities, and also as a golden fence, to secure her virtue, reputation, and dignity. To my worthy friend, Sir JOHN BLUBBER, Knt. I give and bequeath my _padders_, my _stampers_, my _buckets_, otherwise my BOOTS, whose knowledge of mankind, united with kindness towards the failings of others, teaches him to tread lightly o’er the ashes of the dead! To prevent mistakes respecting my BIT, I have not a _bit_ to leave; it having been with me, for some time past--POCKETS to LET, unfurnished; _Sic transit gloria mundi!_ But nevertheless, I trust I have always proved _amicus humani generis_! My BOOKS having been long _booked_ for their value, and afforded me consolation and support in the hour of need--I, therefore, leave as I found it, for other folks to bustle in, that GREAT VOLUME--the WORLD! which upon all occasions, was my sheet-anchor! assisted by the following good old maxims, as my guide:--