Anything sent by the parents or relations of the nuns may be disposed of as the Superior likes; and should it be given to another nun, we were told, “Let the sister for whom that gift was sent beware of murmuring at her Superior’s wisdom.” Often did I have presents taken from me, without form or ceremony, and given to another, my face being carefully watched whilst the transfer was being made, to see how I bore the trial, or if I betrayed any signs of criticising the actions of my Superior.[5]
I remember that once a dear little child was brought into our community; and being very fond of children, and thinking of my brothers, I held out my arms to the child, and was on the point of kissing him, when I heard the authoritative voice of the rev. Father, saying, “Sister Agnes, sit down. Not without leave; you should ask first.” I coloured as if accused of some great crime, and sat down, but was too ashamed when recreation time came to ask to kiss him then. I had only been a novice for a few months, and did not think of my vow of poverty being broken by using my arms, or lips, or will, without leave.
Another time—it was at Christmas—I saved a mince-pie to give away to the first poor person who came to the door. I was portress then. An old man came, and I related at recreation how pleased he was with my gift; but, alas! I brought down upon myself a little lecture, and was told that I had no right to give convent property away. “But,” said I, “it was mine—my very own.” Whereupon I learnt that for me the words “mine” and “thine” did not exist, since by this vow of poverty everything belonged to the Father Superior.
We might not even borrow a pocket-handkerchief, though, as we were allowed but three, it was often very necessary to borrow one, for we could not without permission even wash them without breaking rule. If a sister brought with her several dozens, they would be distributed according to the needs of the community, and the rest put away for future use, as the new novice would be breaking her vow by retaining more than she needed for present use.
We were very fortunate in being allowed pocket-handkerchiefs at all. I know another English sisterhood where the nuns are only allowed hard blue-checked dusters, and as the rev. Father and Mother and sisters have the disgusting habit of snuff-taking, they must find these dusters very inconvenient.