Her person was short, thin, and crooked. Her forehead projected in the middle, and thence descended in a declivity to the top of her nose, which was sharp and red, and would have hung over her lips, had not nature turned up the end of it. Her lips were two bits of skin, which, whenever she spoke, she drew together in a purse. Her chin was peaked; and at the upper end of that skin which composed her cheeks, stood two bones, that almost hid a pair of small red eyes. Add to this a voice most wonderfully adapted to the sentiments it was to convey, being both loud and hoarse.
It is not easy to say whether the gentleman had conceived a greater dislike for his landlady or compassion for her unhappy guest. He inquired very earnestly of the surgeon, who was now come into the kitchen, whether he had any hopes of his recovery? He begged him to use all possible means towards it, telling him, "it was the duty of men of all professions to apply their skill gratis for the relief of the poor and necessitous." The surgeon answered, "He should take proper care; but he defied all the surgeons in London to do him any good."--"Pray, sir," said the gentleman, "what are his wounds?"--"Why, do you know anything of wounds?" says the surgeon (winking upon Mrs Tow-wouse).--"Sir, I have a small smattering in surgery," answered the gentleman.--"A smattering--ho, ho, ho!" said the surgeon; "I believe it is a smattering indeed."
The company were all attentive, expecting to hear the doctor, who was what they call a dry fellow, expose the gentleman.
He began therefore with an air of triumph: "I suppose, sir, you have travelled?"--"No, really, sir," said the gentleman.--"Ho! then you have practised in the hospitals perhaps?"--"No, sir."--"Hum! not that neither? Whence, sir, then, if I may be so bold to inquire, have you got your knowledge in surgery?"--"Sir," answered the gentleman, "I do not pretend to much; but the little I know I have from books."--"Books!" cries the doctor. "What, I suppose you have read Galen and Hippocrates!"--"No, sir," said the gentleman.--"How! you understand surgery," answers the doctor, "and not read Galen and Hippocrates?"-- "Sir," cries the other, "I believe there are many surgeons who have never read these authors."--"I believe so too," says the doctor, "more shame for them; but, thanks to my education, I have them by heart, and very seldom go without them both in my pocket."--"They are pretty large books," said the gentleman.--"Aye," said the doctor, "I believe I know how large they are better than you." (At which he fell a winking, and the whole company burst into a laugh.)