One day I was coming from nones at 2.45 p.m. This “Mother” commanded me to stay where I was, and not to return to work, and then said:
“You have got the DEVIL in you, and I am going to beat him out.”
All left the sacristy but myself, the Mother Superior, and one nun, who was ordered to be present at the casting out of the devil. I was commanded first to strip. I saw “the Discipline,” with its seven lashes of knotted whipcord in her hand, and I knew that one lash given (or taken by oneself) was in reality seven. I should mention that at certain times it was the rule to discipline oneself.[14]
Now my first thought when commanded to strip was, “I can’t;” it would not be right or modest to strip (it meant to the waist). Then it came into my mind that Jesus did not thus think, when the soldiers ordered Him to strip to be scourged. He simply obeyed, and I felt sure that what He did I might imitate. So I said inwardly, “Yes, dear Lord, for love of Thee I can.” Then I began to undress; but when I came to my vest, shame again overcame me.
“Take that thing off,” said the Mother Superior. I replied, “I cannot, reverend Mother; it’s too tight.” The nun who was present was told to help me to get it off. A deep feeling of shame came over me at being half nude!
The Mother then ordered the nun to say the “_Miserere_,” and while it was recited she lashed me several times with all her strength. I was determined not to utter a sound, but at last I could not restrain a smothered groan, whereat she gave me one last and cruel lash, and then ceased.
Even three weeks after she had “Disciplined” me, I had a very sore back, and it hurt me greatly to lie on it (our beds were straw put into sacks).
There was a looking-glass in the room I now occupied (nuns do not usually have them), and I looked to see if my back was marked, as it was so sore. Never shall I forget the shock it gave me. I turned quickly away, for my back was black, blue, and green all over.
I will explain to my readers what “devil” in me it was that the Lady Prioress had been attempting to drive out. You have seen how very unkind she had been to me, and, not daring to speak to her, I made a cake, which I knew her to be very fond of, and sent a note with it, begging her to be kind to me; and I told her I was willing to do anything if only she would be kind. I asked what she would have done if kindness had not been shown to her, when she asked for readmission to the Feltham convent; and I implored her, by the remembrance of that kindness which had been shown her, to be kind to me, and I signed myself, “Your loving child, M. A.,” or words as near to this as I can now remember. This was the “devil” I had at this and at all other times. The fact is, that I knew too much about her, which no other sister did, and yet I never even breathed it to a soul!