Should you select a learned lass, Impertinence must pall; Or cull one from a vulgar class, She balderdash will bawl: If you adopt a daft town’s dame, Her behests will be bold: Or coax one of inferior fame, She’ll curse, carouse, and scold.
Shun lofty looks, and language loud, No stripes such tongues can tame; Fly wanton wenches mirthful mood, Which counsel can’t reclaim: A wife of stature tall will dare, To drag a giant down; And little women wicked are, One crop’d strong Samson’s crown.
Reflect that Adam’s innocence, Was to Eve’s blunder blind; Whose crafty crime caus’d to commence, A curse upon mankind; So you cannot too cautious be, Of wormwood mix’d with gall; Then friends pray be advis’d by me, To wed with _none at all_!
On travelling down Tweed side, I heard an uncouth chit chat; An old wife thus her neighbour did chide, May curses confound your cat!
His plunder I’ll tell you pit pat, Our hut he inhabits at ease; He broke into our buffet, And munch’d up our ewe-milk cheese.
He lifts up our larder latch, And he skims all the cream off the milk; The callans he’ll bite and he’ll scratch, And the brats of their boiley will bilk.
No farley to find him so fat, Beef, bacon, and butter, he eats; And ne’er hunts for a mouse nor a rat, But sups upon savory meats.
He has lunch’d up two large lamb legs, Of our bannocks he’s not left a bit; And has scar’d the old hen off her eggs, And she’s drown’d in the kirn-milk kit.
He mucks in our mickle meal-chest, He spews in the cistern of salt; In our kale-pot and cogies he’s piss’d, And he mutes too among the malt.
He has drove a scate fish off the bink, Which drop’d in the brimstone kan, And rais’d such a stove and stink As chok’d our old good man.
Was it no more damage than that, The brute must be greatly to blame; If you take not care of your tom-cat, He may rely on a lame!
A SONG, _Pasted upon the Walls, and scattered about the Town of Rothbury, several Years ago._
Young Solomon, tir’d of a bachelor’s life, Is resolv’d, by report, on a fat greasy wife, Though merit might gain him a good natured girl, Would forfeit his prospect for brazen Miss E----
If he wish to be wedded to folly and dirt, To a lie-loving hussy, and impudent flirt, Let him take what the captains of Alemouth have left, And of comfort I warrant he will be bereft.