QUESTION BY A SEWING MACHINE.--What is woman's true sphere?--The _Hem_isphere.
A MARRIAGE QUESTION.--If a man addicted to smoking marries a widow, does it follow that he must lay down his pipe, because she gives up her weeds?
A READY-MADE REJOINDER.--_He._ "You made a fool of me when I married you, ma'am!" _She._ "Lor! You always told me you were a self-made man!"
MEM. BY AN OLD MAID.--If you "look over your age," you won't find anyone else willing to do the same.
(_Or rather_ 3 A.M. _the following morning_)
_Voice_ (_from above_). "Good gracious, William! Why _don't_ you come to bed?"
_William_ (_huskily_). "My dear Maria, you know it's been the rule of my life to go to bed shober--and I can't posh'bly come to bed yet!"]
Newly married, Railway carried; Sighing. At the station Osculation; Crying.
Smiling, parting; Hands at starting Gripping. Cozy quarters, Guards and porters Tipping.
On the journey Glances yearny, Mooning. Closely sitting, As is fitting, Spooning.
Destination; Forced cessation. Pity! Porters poking Fun, and joking, Witty.
On arriving, Carriage driving; Kissing. Lovely scenery, Lakes and greenery, Missing.
Hotel, _table d'hôte_ a rabble. Shun it! Private cover Sooner over-- Done it.
Champagne drinking; Waiter winking. Curious! People smiling; Very riling; Furious.
After dining, Arms entwining, Walking Sipping honey-- What's there funny?-- Talking.
So time passes; Grinning asses Guess 'em Newly married, Sorely harried-- Bless 'em!
[Illustration: _Casual Acquaintance._. "Hear you're to be married, Mr. Ribbes. Congratulate you!"
_Mr. Ribbes._ "Much obliged, but I dunno so much about congratulations. It's corstin' me a pretty penny, I tell yer. Mrs. Ribbes as is to be, she wants 'er _trousseau_, yer know; an' then there's the furnishin', an' the licence, an' the parson's fees; an' then I 'ave to give 'er an' 'er sister a bit o' jool'ry a-piece; an' wot with one thing an' another--she's a 'eavy woman, yer know, thirteen stun odd--well, I reckon she'll 'a corst me pretty near _two-an'-eleven a pound_ afore I git 'er 'ome!"]
My rushlight, when first kindled, Twelve inches long wast thou; And I behold thee dwindled To one, my candle, now!
How brief thy span, contrasted With rushlight's average life! A happier dip had lasted A week a happier wife.