This Turkey ram's tail is a tough tale, * even for the ad libitum of Smithfield Rounds. Such a tail wagged before such a master must have exhibited the two greatest wags in the fair.
* "A certain officer of the Guards being at the New Theatre, behind the scenes, was telling some of the comedians of the rarities he had seen abroad. Amongst other things, he had seen a pike caught six foot long. 'That 's a trifle,' says the late Mr. Spiller, the celebrated actor, 'I have seen half a pike in England longer by a foot, and yet not worth twopence!'"
The Roots were under ground, or planted in a cool arbour, quaffing--not Bartlemy "good wines," (doctors never take their own physic!)--but genuine nutbrown. Their dancing-days were over; for "Root's booth" (temp. Geo.I.) was now tenanted by Powell, the puppet-showman, and one Luf-fingham, who, fired with the laudable ambition of maintaining the laughing honours of their predecessors, issued a bill, at which we cry "What next?" as the sailor did when the conjuror blew his own head off.
"At Root's booth, Powell from Russell Court, and Luffingham from the Cyder Cellar, in Covent-Garden, now keep the King Charles's Head, and Man and Woman fighting for the Breeches, in Bartholomew Fair, near Long Lane: where two figures dance a Scaramouch after a new grotesque fashion; a little boy, five years old, vaults from a table twelve foot high on his head, and drinks the King's health standing on his head, with two swords at his throat; a Scotch dance by three men and a woman; an Irishwoman dances the Irish trot; Roger of Coventry is danced by one in a countryman's habit; a cradle dance, being a comical fancy between a woman and her drunken husband fighting for the breeches; a woman dances with fourteen glasses on the back of her hands full of wine. Also several entries, as Almands Pavans, Galliads, Gavots, English Jiggs, and the Sabbotiers dance, so mightily admired at the King's Playhouse. The company will be entertained with vocal and instrumental musick, as performed at the late happy Congress at Reswick, in the presence of several princes and ambassadors."
Here will I pause. For the present, we have supped full with Scaramouches. "Six naked rapiers" at my throat all night would be a sorry substitute for the knife and fork I hope to play anon, after a "more pleasant and far ingeniuser" fashion, with some plump roast partridges. A select coterie of Uncle Timothy's brother antiquaries have requested to be enlightened on Bartlemy fair lore. Will you, my friend Eugenio, during the Saint's saturnalia, join us in the ancient "Cloth quarter"? On, brave spirit! on. Rope-dancers invite thee; conjurors conjure thee; _Punch_ squeaks thee a screeching welcome; mountebanks and posture-masters, * with every variety of physiognomical and physical contortion, lure thee to their dislocations.