Saturday.—Awoke this morning, dull, dejected, and unfit for study; very little life in prayer, and even a degree of reluctance to pray. What a mercy necessity compelled me to arise and go unto my Father! and after some time sitting before the Lord, I felt a degree of spirituality. Some precious subjects opened to my view, which I put into the hands of the ever blessed Spirit, to bring to my mind when I should stand in need of them. Closed the day in spiritual conversation and prayer with our friends Mr. and Mrs. —.
Sunday.—Early this morning visited with these sweet words; “Oh, go your way into his courts with thankfulness, and into his gates with praise; be thankful to him, and speak good of his name.” Predicted I should have a good day, and so it proved; but surely satan envied it, for at night my feet had well nigh slipped. Closed the day very dejectedly. Alas! what poor returns of love hath my Creator found, what cause of shame and confusion for such ingratitude; oh, for more conformity to his blessed image.
Monday.—Weak in body, low in mind, sadly harrassed. Many useless visitors upon mere trivial affairs, with the wretched reflection upon a debt owing to —. Could find no text to preach upon in the evening. Fretful, peevish, and in much bondage. Yet oh! the patience and forbearance of God! How sweetly supported, supplied and melted in the house of God, in preaching on _John_ xvi. 27. Received the same evening a present from a lady, which relieved my anxious mind and confounded my unbelief. Closed the day in holy wonder and admiration at the grace and providence of God.
Tuesday.—I almost grieve I let sleep close my eyes last night; my frame is changed again; corruption sin and folly has interrupted me, disturbed my mind, prevented communion with God in meditation, prayer and reading; irregular passion let loose to vex me. Oh, that I could fly from myself! In vain I wish a solitary life, a cave, or the place of the way-faring man; I should carry the same nature with me there: I sink in despondency about the renovation of this sinful nature; but, blessed be God for Jesus Christ, in whom his people stand complete. A clear spiritual apprehension of this warms my heart, and again carries me above all my horrid feelings.