A physician engaged a nurse, recently graduated, for a case of delirium tremens. The physician succeeded in quieting his patient and left some medicine, instructing the nurse to administer it to him if he “began to see snakes again.” At the next call the physician found the patient again raving. To his puzzled inquiry the nurse replied that the man had been going on that way for several hours, and that she had not given him any medicine.
“But didn’t I tell you to give it to him if he began to see snakes again?” asked the physician.
“But he didn’t see snakes this time,” replied the nurse confidently. “He saw red, white, and blue turkeys with straw hats on.”
Shortly after his entrance into political life Disraeli stood for a certain Middlesex borough in the Conservative interest. It was a “personally conducted” canvass, and, among others, the future Prime Minister solicited the vote and interest of a well-to-do but somewhat irascible farmer, who was supposed to be rather doubtful in his political convictions.
“Vote for you!” he shouted when Mr. Disraeli made known the object of his call. “Why, I’d vote for the devil sooner.”
“Ah, quite so!” said Mr. Disraeli, suavely, “but in event of your friend not standing, may I hope for your interest?”
An ambitious youth once sent his first MS. to Dumas, asking the distinguished novelist to become his _collaborateur_. The latter was astounded at the impertinence. Angrily seizing his pen, he wrote: “How dare you, sir, yoke together a noble horse and a contemptible ass?”
His anger vanished and he laughingly penned the following:
“Send on your MS., my friend; I gladly accept your proposition.”
An old farmer recently came into possession of a check for $200. He finally summoned up nerve enough to go to the bank.
“What denomination?” said the teller, hastily, as the check was passed in through the window.
“Luther’n, gol darn it. But what has that got to do with it?”
A young woman was in company with a university graduate, and naturally the talk ran upon books. By and by there was a lull in the conversation, broken presently by the young woman, who said: “What do you think of Fielding, Mr. Smith?”
“Oh,” was the answer, “fielding is important, of course; but it isn’t worth much unless you have good pitching and batting.”