A lady while going downstairs to dinner had the misfortune to step slightly on the dress of a lady in front of her. The man on whose arm the former was leaning rudely said aloud so that the couple in front might hear, “Always getting in the way like Balaam’s ass!” Upon which the lady whose gown had been trodden on, turning round, replied with a sweet smile, “Pardon me, it was the angel who stood in the way and the ass which spoke.”
A number of years ago, when the former Second Assistant Secretary of State, Alvey A. Adee, was Third Assistant, an employee of the State Department was called to the ’phone.
“Will you kindly give me the name of the Third Assistant Secretary of State?” asked the voice at the other end of the wire.
“You go to the d----!” and the receiver was indignantly hung up.
Smith and Jones, talking about the Kaiser:
Jones--“They tell me that unfortunately he is very bellicose.”
Smith--“Dear me! You surprise me! I always understood he was rather tall and slim.”
“I will be your valentine,” said the young man.
A shadow passed across the fair face of the girl. “I was so in hopes that I would not get any comics this year,” she said.
One of the favorite stories of Mayor Collins of Boston was about a man who, accompanied by his little boy, had occasion to cross a lot where a good-sized goat was feeding.
The father was a Christian Scientist and always carried a copy of Mrs. Eddy’s works in his pocket. As they approached the goat the boy showed fear, whereat his father told him to think it not possible for the animal to harm them, but the boy, remembering a previous encounter with a goat, in which he came out second best, did not grow any braver.
“Papa, you’re a Christian Scientist, all right,” he said, “and so am I; but the goat doesn’t know it.”
Horace T. Eastman, the inventor of the locomotive pilot, said the other day:
“This morning I was sitting in a drug store waiting to get a prescription filled when a young Irishman entered.
“The Irishman pointed to a stack of green Castile soap and said:
“‘Very well, sir,’ said the clerk. ‘Will you have it scented or unscented?’
“‘Oi’ll take ut with me,’ said the Irishman.”
Robert Smith, brother of Sydney Smith, and an ex-Advocate-General, on one occasion engaged in an argument with a physician over the relative merits of their respective professions.