"The Third was written to protect The interests of the Victim, And tells us, as I recollect, _To treat him with a grave respect, And not to contradict him_."
"That's plain," said I, "as Tare and Tret, To any comprehension: I only wish _some_ Ghosts I've met Would not so _constantly_ forget The maxim that you mention!"
"Perhaps," he said, "_you_ first transgressed The laws of hospitality: All Ghosts instinctively detest The Man that fails to treat his guest With proper cordiality.
"If you address a Ghost as 'Thing!' Or strike him with a hatchet, He is permitted by the King To drop all _formal_ parleying-- And then you're _sure_ to catch it!
"The Fourth prohibits trespassing Where other Ghosts are quartered: And those convicted of the thing (Unless when pardoned by the King) Must instantly be slaughtered.
"That simply means 'be cut up small': Ghosts soon unite anew: The process scarcely hurts at all-- Not more than when _you're_ what you call 'Cut up' by a Review.
"The Fifth is one you may prefer That I should quote entire:-- _The King must be addressed as 'Sir.' This, from a simple courtier, Is all the Laws require_:
"_But, should you wish to do the thing With out-and-out politeness, Accost him as 'My Goblin King!' And always use, in answering, The phrase 'Your Royal Whiteness!'_
"I'm getting rather hoarse, I fear, After so much reciting: So, if you don't object, my dear, We'll try a glass of bitter beer-- I think it looks inviting."
"And did you really walk," said I, "On such a wretched night? I always fancied Ghosts could fly-- If not exactly in the sky, Yet at a fairish height."
"It's very well," said he, "for Kings To soar above the earth: But Phantoms often find that wings-- Like many other pleasant things-- Cost more than they are worth.
"Spectres of course are rich, and so Can buy them from the Elves: But _we_ prefer to keep below-- They're stupid company, you know. For any but themselves:
"For, though they claim to be exempt From pride, they treat a Phantom As something quite beneath contempt-- Just as no Turkey ever dreamt Of noticing a Bantam."
"They seem too proud," said I, "to go To houses such as mine. Pray, how did they contrive to know So quickly that 'the place was low,' And that I 'kept bad wine'?"