If you can lay your hand upon your heart and answer "Yes," take your licence and marry--not else.
TO POLICEMEN ABOUT TO MARRY.--When you are about to marry, visit as many cooks as you can, so as to give you the widest possible area for your choice. Avoid housemaids, whose occupation does not admit of the accumulation of much dust to come down with; and remember that there is nothing like kitchen-stuff for greasing the wheel of fortune. When married, a policeman will be justified in living above his station--if he can get a room there for nothing.
To thee, were I a humble bee, I'd hourly wing my honeyed flight; To thee, were I a ship at sea, I'd sail, tho' land were in my sight: To thee, were I a pussy cat, I'd spring, as tho' 'twere on a rat!
To thee, were I a stickleback I'd swim as fast as fins could move; To thee, were I a hunter's hack, I'd gallop on the hoofs of love: But as I'm but a simple man, I'll come by train, love--if I can!
[Illustration: _He._ "Are you still living at the same address in town, Mrs. Jones?"
_She._ "Yes. But since I've become a widow, I've been looking for another flat!"]
[Illustration: _Miss Short._ "Isn't my name an absurd misfit, Mr. Long?"
_Mr. Long (thoughtlessly)._ "Yes, rather. If you could have mine it would be all right, wouldn't it?"
_Miss Short._ "Oh, Mr. Long, this is so sudden!"]
_The Doctor._ "Well, Mrs. Barnes, I must offer you my congratulations. I hear you've married again. And have you given up your occupation of washing?"
_Mrs. Barnes._ "Oh, no, sir. But, you see, if I 'adn't taken '_e_, I'd 'a' 'ad to 'a' bought a donkey!"]
[Illustration: "Now, George dear, it's your first birthday in the new century. What good resolutions are you going to make?"
"Well, for one thing, I intend to be much more regular in my habits."
_First Excursionist._ "Int'restin' ruins these, sir."
_Second Ditto (the bread-winner)._ "'Mye-es. 'Don't care for ruins m'self though." (_Pointing to his olive branches in the background._) "Them's ruin enough for me?"]
_The Lady with a Mission._--She will fill your house with parsons or professors, lecture you on her pet hobby when she can get no other audience (which will be pretty often), consider all your old friends frivolous, and treat you with supreme contempt if you venture to hint that you like your dinner punctually, and properly cooked.