AN OMISSION AT THE GUILDHALL LUNCHEON.--On the occasion of the Civic Banquet to the German EMPEROR, an Alderman, distinguished for his courtesy to strangers, and his appreciation of good dishes, especially of anything at all spicy, wished to know why, as a compliment to their Imperial guest, they had omitted "pickelhaubes" from the bill of fare? He had understood, from well-informed friends, that the EMPEROR seldom went anywhere without some "pickelhaubes," whatever they might be, as he himself, the worthy Alderman, had never had the opportunity of tasting one.
[Illustration: THE RED QUEEN AND THE WHITE; OR, ALICE IN THUNDERLAND.]
The storm of rain comes swirling down, Our helpless flow'rets droop and die; The thunder crashes o'er the town-- In wet July.
Our cricket-match is spoilt, the stumps We draw beneath a drenching sky; Then homeward wend in doleful dumps-- In wet July.
The lawn's a lake, whereon there float The balls that erst would o'er it fly; We can't play tennis from a boat, In wet July.
Our garden-party's ruined quite, Of invitations friends fight shy; They wisely shun the sloppy sight In wet July.
Take that old aneroid away, A new barometer we'll try; With hope for haply one fine day-- In wet July.
BEATING THE RECORD.--Mrs. MALAPROP's "Cerberus, as three single gentlemen rolled into one," was "not in it" last week with H.R.H. the Prince of WALES, who, in the course of the Royal Entertainments given to our Imperial Cousin-German, appeared as "a host of illustrious personages." An admirable performance.
PARNELL put the KETTLE on, TIM HEALY came it rather strong, HAMMOND was the people's man, And he's now M.P.
_Jones_ (_Blue Ribbon--to abstemious Lady he has taken in to dinner_). "LOOK HERE, MADAM, WE DON'T SEEM TO BE GETTING ON A _BIT_! EITHER YOU MUST HAVE A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE, OR, BY JOVE, _I_ MUST!!"]
_Alice_ ... The TH-ND-R-R. _White Queen_ ... H-RC-RT. _Red Queen_ ... CH-MB-RL-N.
"I'll tell you what it is, your Majesty," said ALICE in a severe tone (she was always rather fond of scolding the White Queen), "it'll never do to swagger about all over the place like that! Dignitaries have to be dignified, you know!"
Everything was happening so oddly (since Thunderland had turned against Blunderland) that she didn't feel a bit surprised at finding the Red Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her, one on each side. But she found it rather difficult to be quite civil to them--especially the White Queen, who had once been rather a favourite with her, but at whom she now never lost an opportunity of girding.