SUSAN (unpacking his breakfast). Bacon or cheese?
GERVASE. Cheese--I mean bacon--I mean--I say, you aren't serious?
SUSAN (handing him bread and cheese). I trust you will find it up to your expectations.
GERVASE (taking it). I say, you really--(Solemnly) Master Susan, with all the passion and emotion of which I am capable before breakfast, I say "Thank you." (He takes a bite) Thank you.
SUSAN (eating also). Please do not mention it. I am more than repaid by your company.
GERVASE. It is charming of you to say so, and I am very proud to be your guest, but I beg you to allow me to pay for this delightful cheese.
GERVASE. I warn you that if you will not allow me to pay for this delightful cheese, I shall insist on buying all your boot-laces. Nay, more, I shall buy all your studs, and all your buttons. Your profession would then be gone.
SUSAN. Well, well, shall we say tuppence?
GERVASE. Tuppence for a banquet like this? My dear friend, nothing less than half-a-crown will satisfy me.
GERVASE (with a sigh). Very well, then. (He begins to feel in his pocket, and in so doing reveals part of his dress. SUSAN opens his eyes at it, and then goes on eating. GERVASE finds his purse and produces sixpence, which he gives to SUSAN.) Sir, I thank you. (He resumes his breakfast.)
SUSAN. You are too generous. . . . Forgive me for asking, but you are not by chance a fellow-traveller upon the road?
SUSAN. Yes. There is a young fellow, a contortionist and sword-swallower, known locally in these parts as Humphrey the Human Hiatus, who travels from village to village. Just for a moment I wondered--
(He glances at GERVASE's legs, which are uncovered. GERVASE hastily wraps his coat round them.)
GERVASE. I am not Humphrey. No. Gervase the Cheese Swallower. . . . Er--my costume--
SUSAN. Please say nothing more. It was ill-mannered of me to have inquired. Let a man wear what he likes. It is a free world.
GERVASE. Well, the fact is, I have been having a bathe.
SUSAN (with a bow). I congratulate you on your bathing costume.
GERVASE. Little Malling. I came over in a car.
SUSAN. Little Malling? That's about twenty miles away.
GERVASE (surprised). Hedgling? Heavens, how I must have lost my way. . . . Then I have been within a mile of her all night. And I never knew!