The Missus give the banquet one look and then laughed for the first time in several days.
"The guy that named this burg got the capitals mixed," I says. "It should of been Port Fierce."
And she laughed still heartier. Takin' advantage, I says:
"How about the train from here to Jacksonville?"
"You win!" says she. "We can't get home too soon to suit me."
The mornin' we landed in Chicago it was about eight above and a wind was comin' offen the Lake a mile a minute. But it didn't feaze us.
"Lord!" says the Missus. "Ain't it grand to be home!"
"You said somethin'," says I. "But wouldn't it of been grander if we hadn't never left?"
"I don't know about that," she says. "I think we both of us learned a lesson."
"Yes," I says; "and the tuition wasn't only a matter o' close to seven hundred bucks!"
"Oh," says she, "we'll get that back easy!"
"How?" I ast her. "Do you expect some tips on the market from Mrs. Potter and the rest o' your new friends?"
"No," she says. "We'll win it. We'll win it in the rummy game with the Hatches."
When it comes to makin' matches I hand it to the women. When it comes to breakin' 'em leave it to the handsomer sex.
The thirteenth o' June didn't light on a Friday, but old Tuesday come through in the pinch with just as good results. Dear little Sister-in-law Bess blew in on the afternoon train from Wabash. She says she was makin' us a surprise visit. The surprise affected me a good deal like the one that was pulled on Napoleon at Waterloo, Ia.
"How long are you goin' to light up our home?" I ast her at the supper table.
"That's all you've missed, then," I says.
"Don't mind him!" says my Missus. "He's just a tease. You look grand and we're both tickled to death to have you here. You may stay with us all summer."
"No question about that," I says. "Not only may, but li'ble to."
"If I do," says Bess, "it'll be on my sister's account, not yourn."
"But I'm the baby that settles your sister's account," I says; "and it was some account after you left us last winter. With your visit and our cute little trip to Palm Beach, I'm not what you'd call cramped for pocket space."
"The second guess is always better," says I.
"As for you entertainin' me, I don't expect nothin' like that," says Bess.