_She._ But _he_ has made a glorification speech about it, hasn't he?
_He._ Yes, he has. In another day or two he will have worked himself up to the point of believing that he commanded our ships in the battle. I know him; but he needn't think _I_'m going to encourage him in this laughable pretension.
_She._ Do not think about him any more, but go to bed and have a good sleep.
_He._ I will try, but the telephone will ring, I am sure, and he will command me to come and see him. (_The telephone rings._) There, I told you so.
Is it true that the KAISER intends to confer upon Admiral VON SCHEER the title of Baron von Sheer-off?
"Another relic was a torpedo propeller. 'It came from a German submarine that got into an awkward place rather foolishly--but de mortibus, and the rest of it.'"--_Provincial Paper._
Never mind about the rest of it. "De mortibus" is enough, thank you.
"Deep down in the ship I came across a strange sight. Some twenty or thirty boys, seated at desks, were being taught the mysteries of compound fractures by a petty officer."--_Liverpool Daily Post._
As a preliminary to teaching the German Fleet the art of recurring decimation?
"Private Willie----has returned from France looking extremely robust and well. He will, I understand, enter for a course of instruction at Baal College, Oxford, before proceeding again to the front."--_Irish Paper._
As this new foundation, originally intended no doubt for the German Rhodes Scholars, has apparently been diverted to better use, the authorities might now alter the name.
_German Father._ "Can't we see our victorious fleet?"
_Official._ "No, you can't. Nobody can!"]
[Illustration: OUR WAR PHOTOGRAPHER ON THE CORNISH RIVIERA.
_Voice from the house._ "IF YOU KEEP YOUR FATHER OUT TOO LONG HE'LL BE CATCHING ANOTHER NASTY COLD."]
The milkman told Jimmy that the KAISER was like a gambler who had mortgaged his resources up to bursting point, and now with every tooth drawn was chewing the bitter dregs of remorse to the bone. The milkman says these things come to him whilst he is milking, and the reason is that when he presses his head to the cow's side the heat of the cow thaws the blood in his brain for a time.
He told Jimmy that he could make a speech with anybody when he had got his brain like that, and that he thought of addressing meetings, but that the cow would be uneasy on a public platform.
