[Illustration: _Niece._ "HURRAH, AUNTIE! TED HAS BEEN MADE A LANCE-CORPORAL!"
_Auntie._ "I DO WISH TED WOULD BE CONTENT WITH BEING A SOLDIER, AND NOT GO IN FOR THESE FORMS OF NOTORIETY."]
I went up to the Hay-market upon a summer day, I went up to the Hay-market to sell a load of hay-- To sell a load of hay and a little bit over, And I sold it all to a pretty girl for a nosegay of red clover.
A nosegay of red clover and a hollow golden straw; Now wasn't that a bargain, the best you ever saw? I whistled on my straw in the market-place all day, And the London folk came flocking for to foot it in the hay.
The Angel flew down One morning to town, But didn't know where to rest; For they shut her out of the East End And they shut her out of the West.
The Angel went on To Islington, And there the people were kinder. If ever you go to Islington That's where you will find her.
Those who _do_ hold the victory--BEATTY _possidentes_.
"---- & SON, WINDOW-CLEANERS. We spare no panes."
"As a result of Wednesday's battle the strength of the British Fleet is now greater, not relatively, but absolutely, than it was."
Ships in WOLFF'S clothing: the "victorious" German Fleet.
"Villagers here are heartily congratulating Mr. Charles Gibbs on his marvellous escape from the great North Sea Battle, from one of our lost cruisers. He reached home on Sunday, and brings with him a portion of a shell that pierced his cap, and an engine of the vessel tattered in the conflict."--_Thame Gazette._
"The Germans are using guns twenty-one centimetres in length, which can be fired from railway lines and transported with facility."
This appears under the heading, "Big Guns the Deciding Factor." But should it not have been "Pocket Pistols"?
"Talking parrots from 12s. 6d., 3 months' trial."--_Daily Paper._
"WANTED, MAN for Tipping Russian Army by hand, piece work."
[Illustration: "'AVE YOU FETCHED DOWN MANY ZEPPERLEANS THIS MORNING?"]
It is very odd how suddenly and completely a new idea gets about. Yesterday you had never heard of it, or not in any way to take notice of it; to-day you hear about it consciously for the first time, and to-morrow it is a commonplace of conversation.
I had, of course, heard of U.A. as a menace, a hidden terror, the old man's dread, the _bon vivant's_ heritage, and so forth. But only vaguely. No one had talked about it; I had seen the words in advertisements and had forgotten them again. I had never associated myself with them. Whatever might happen to me, U.A. would be unrepresented.