VENUS. Ah, you have revealed your love's name! I have but to ask in your streets, where does Jane, the lover of Alphonzo, live, lead me there; and, having arrived at her dwelling, she shall die!
ALPH. But, look here, there's thousands of Janes in London.
VENUS. That being the case I shall kill them all!
VENUS. Because, dissipated youth, you love them all!
ALPH. (_Aside._) If she could only see me shaving people, p'raps she'd become disgusted, and leave me! I'll try it! (_Aloud._) If you only saw me at my trade, a barbering, you'd see what a mistake you were making.
VENUS. I will see you at your toil. Barb at once.
ALPH. Wait till I get a customer. I do my business in this shop.
VENUS. I will make no sign or movement; but I will see you at your daily toil. I have said it! Obey me!
ALPH. (_Aside._) All right! I'll put her in a corner. No one would think but she is one of my fixtures.
VENUS. Place me where I may behold thee at thy toil.
ALPH. All right! Get up in this corner, and I'll just pop this haircutting cloth over you. (_He does so._) If she can once get it into her marble head I'm a barber and keep a shop, I think she will turn up her nose at me, and then she'll give me back that ring.
AUG. Good morning, old fellow! I feel a little chippie this morning. (_Sits in chair._) I wish I didn't drink so much, don't you know! Last night I had a fearful time after going to the Alhambra. (_Alphonzo begins lathering him._) They've got a beautiful ballet there now. There's a charming little girl there, who plays one of Venus's doves. I was mashed on her in a minute, and I pride myself I mashed her too--she's dead gone!
(_Business.--Alphonzo so frightened, he pushes brush in Augustus's mouth. Augustus is also very frightened._)
AUG. I could swear I saw that statue move! Look it's shaking its fists at me!
VENUS. (_Shaking her fists at Augustus._) Villain!
AUG. There it is again! Oh, I've got 'em bad again!
ALPH. Yes; you've got the jim-jams. What, sir--I've cut your chin off? Never mind, sir, don't charge any extra.
AUG. Your kindness only exceeds your beauty! You've done it on purpose, because I cut you out with Jane.
VENUS. (_To herself, loud enough for Alphonzo to hear._) Ah, he knows where she dwells! I will at once ask him!