Our arrangements for a full report of the English Cup Final are now completed. Our fashion experts are to journey to London with both teams, and a detailed description of the hats and travelling costumes worn by the players will appear in an extra special edition of this paper. We understand that the two rival elevens are to turn out in silk jumpers knitted in correct club colours by the players' own fair hands during the more restful periods of their strenuous training.
"Small house or flat required; one child (off hand); any district."--_Daily Paper._
(_A comparative study of incentives to labour._)
The miner's _rôle_ is not for me; These manual jobs I always shun; In the bright realm of Poesy My thrilling daily task is done. My songs are wild with beauty. This is one.
Yet has the miner, not the bard, A life that runs in pleasant ways; His labour may be pretty hard, But, when compared with mine, it _pays_. Scant the reward of my exhausting days.
I bear no grudge. I don't object To watch his wages soaring high, If, as I'm told, we may expect To see him resolutely ply His task with greater vigour. So must I.
Up, Muse, and get your wings unfurled! My rhymes at double speed must flow; Now, from this hour, the astonished world Must see my output daily grow. And why? I want some coal--a ton or so.
Coal is my greatest need, the crest And pinnacle of my desires; And as I toil with feverish zest 'Twill be the dream of blazing fires That spurs me to my labour and inspires.
I wonder if the miner too Has visions in his dark abyss Which urge him on to hack and hew That he may so achieve the bliss Of buying great and deathless songs (like this).
"It often happens that you are unable to obtain just the book you want. We specialise in this branch of book-selling."
"Observing a straw stack on fire opposite her house a woman removed her baby from the bath and poured the bath water on to the flames."--_Evening Paper._
What we admire is her presence of mind in first removing the baby.
"Mr. and Mrs. John ---- wish to return grateful thanks to all who so kindly contributed to their late great loss by theft."
Always be polite to burglars. You never know when they may call again.
We understand that Smith minor, who in an examination paper wrote _margot_, instead of _margo_, as the Latin for "the limit," has been reprimanded severely by his master.