It was not till I got home that I thought this, however. I had no time for private reflections till then. When we reached home, Mrs. Sandford was in a talkative mood; the doctor very silent.
"And what do you think of General Scott, Daisy? you have not seen him before."
"I do not know," I said. "I did not hear him, talk."
"You have not heard Mr. Lincoln talk, have you?"
"No, certainly not; not before to night."
"You know how you like _him_," Dr. Sandford said pointedly.
"My dear, you made him the most beautiful reverence that I ever knew a woman could make; grace and homage in perfection; but there was something else in it, Daisy, something more; something most exquisitely expressed. What was it, Grant?"
"You ought to know," said the doctor, with a grim smile.
"I do, I suppose, only I cannot tell the word for it. Daisy, have you ever seen the President before?"
"When he passed through New York," I said. "I stood in the street to see him."
Dr. Sandford's eyes opened upon me. His sister-in-law exclaimed,
"You could not see him _then_, child. But you like him, don't you? Well, they tell all sorts of stories about him; but I do not believe half of them."
I thought, I could believe all the good ones.
"But Grant, you never can keep Daisy here," Mrs. Sandford went on. "It would be hazardous in the extreme."
"Not very," said the doctor. "Nobody else is going to stay; it is a floating community."
So we parted for the night. And I slept, the dark hours; but restlessness took possession of me the moment I awoke. Dr. Sandford's last words rung in my heart. "It is a floating community." "Nobody else is going to stay." I must see Mr. Thorold. What if _he_ should be ordered on, away from Washington somewhere, and my opportunity be lost? I knew to be sure that he had been very busy training and drilling some of the new troops; and I hoped there was enough of the same work on hand to keep him busy; but I could not know. With the desire to find him, began to mingle now some foretaste of the pain of parting from him again when I - or he - should leave the city. A drop of bitter which I began to taste distinctly in my cup.
I was to learn now, how difficult it sometimes is in new forms of trial, to be quiet and submissive and trust. I used to be able to trust myself and my wants with God; I found at this time that the human cry of longing, and of fear, was very hard to still. I was ready to trust, if I might only see Mr. Thorold. I was willing to wait, if only we might not be separated at last. But _now_ to trust and to wait, when all was in doubt for me; when, if I missed this sight of my friend, I might never have another; when all the future was a cloudy sea and a rocky shore; I felt that I _must_ have this one moment of peace. Yet I prayed for it submissively; but I am afraid my heart made its own cry unsubmissively.