had nothing to write about, not that I did not wish to write.
For your query about Vatinius, neither he nor anyone else would fail in service to me, if they could find any means of helping me. Quintus showed the bitterest ill-feeling to me at Patrae. His son came thither from Corcyra: and I suppose they have set out from there with the others.
[Sidenote: _Brundisium, November 27_, B.C. _48_]
I see you are anxious about your own fate and the fate of us all, and especially about me and my sorrows; but my sorrows are not lessened one whit by the addition of yours in sympathy, they are even increased. Of course your own intelligence makes you feel what consolation can comfort me most: for you approve of my plan and say that under the circumstances I could not have done anything better. You add something, which does not weigh with me so much as your judgement, though it has some weight, that every one else--I mean every one else who matters--approves of what I did. If I could persuade myself of that, I should feel less sorrow. "Believe me," you say. I do believe you; but I know how anxious you are to relieve my sorrow. I have never regretted leaving the camp. Cruelty was so rampant there, and there was so close an alliance with barbarian nations, that a plan was sketched out for a proscription not of persons but of whole classes; and everybody had made up their minds that the property of you all was to be the prize of his victory. I say "you" advisedly, for none
crudelissime cogitatum est. Quare voluntatis me meae numquam paenitebit, consilii paenitet. In oppido aliquo mallem resedisse, quoad accerserer: minus sermonis subissem, minus accepissem doloris; ipsum hoc me non angeret. Brundisi iacere in omnes partes est molestum. Propius accedere, ut suades, quo modo sine lictoribus, quos populus dedit, possum? qui mihi incolumi adimi non possunt. Quos ego nunc paulisper cum bacillis in turbam conieci ad oppidum accedens, ne quis impetus militum fieret. Reliquo tempore me domi tenui.[172] Ad Oppium et Balbum scripsi,[173] quonam iis placeret modo propius accedere, ut hac de re considerarent. Credo fore auctores. Sic enim recipiunt, Caesari non modo de conservanda, sed etiam de augenda mea dignitate curae fore, meque hortantur, ut magno animo sim, ut omnia summa sperem. Ea spondent, confirmant. Quae quidem mihi exploratiora essent, si remansissem. Sed ingero praeterita; vide, quaeso, igitur ea, quae restant, et explora cum istis, et, si putabis opus esse, et si istis placebit, quo magis factam nostrum Caesar probet quasi de suorum sententia factum, adhibeantur Trebonius, Pansa, si qui alii, scribantque ad Caesarem me, quicquid fecerim, de sua sententia fecisse.