“Yes, maw,” said Johnnie, laying down his literature.
And as the boy started to the grocery he muttered to himself: “I hope Seven-fingered Sam won’t kill Old Sleuth ’till I git back.”
“How did you know that Charlie Coleman was a teacher?”
“I dreamed last night, that I had a million dollars.”
“I thought so. I spoke to you twice during the night and you never noticed me.”
_Myra_--“What kind of a husband would you advise me to get?”
_Jessie_--“You get a single man and let the husbands alone.”
_Hiram_--“Yew must of felt all-fired sheepish when yew got buncoed by thet there confidence feller.”
_Josh_--“Naturally; didn’t I get fleeced?”
“I don’t see how she can marry such a little man. Why, she could carry him in her pocket.”
“Oh, dear, no! Never fear. He’ll be out of pocket all the time after he marries her.”
“How long do you expose a plate in taking a picture?”
“It was my good fortune that my ancestors came over in the Mayflower,” said Miss South Church.
“May flour,” replied Miss Hennepin, who did not quite understand. “Our folks made their fortune in September wheat.”
“Are you going to the seashore this summer?”
“Not me; I was bored almost to death there last year.”
“Well, if youse want anyt’ing, wring de towel. See?”
“I was down to the race track yesterday and played a horse 20 to 1.”
“He didn’t come in until quarter to six.”
“Well, it is nothing unusual for people to fly in a rage.”
“Not always. I see you frequently, but I seldom believe you.”
“Telling hair-raising stories to a baldheaded man.”
“After all a hammock is nothing but a net.”
“You are right. Many a girl makes a good catch in one.”
I see there is a plan to tax the barbers of Kansas City, Kan., $1 each annually--won’t it work a hardship on them?
“That young man who calls on you twice a week stays too late. You will have to sit down on him.”
“Does your wife miss you when you are away from home?”
“No; but she frequently misses me when I’m at home.”
“My tailor called with his little bill yesterday.”
“I know how that is, old man. You have my sympathy.”
“Oh, don’t waste your sympathy on me. Sympathize with the tailor.”
“I’ll never forget the night you proposed. You acted like a fish out of water.”
“By the way, can you pay that little bill of mine to-day?”