"But what about that game with the Scotchmen?" Harvey ventured, inwardly rather chagrined with the verdict on his handiwork.
"Well, you’ve got it chuck full of points about the game—and that’s no good. It’s got to be interesting. You’ve got to give it a human touch. There’s one of the Scotch bowlers, for instance, old Sanderson from Edinburgh—they say he’s worth eleven millions. Well, I’m told there’s an old fellow that sweeps out a little struggling church on Cedar Street—he’s its caretaker—and I’m told he used to go to school with Sanderson. Now, it’s the simplest thing in the world to have that old geezer come around to the green with his feather duster in his hand—and Sanderson stares at him a minute; then he recognizes him all of a sudden, and the old dodgers fall to and hug each other like two old maids. And have them both weep—especially Sanderson, because he’s rich. And some of those other millionaires should go off to the edge of the lawn and blow their nose—you understand—the human touch, as I said. Make Sanderson go home with the old geezer for supper; might just as well—it wouldn’t hurt him."
"Sanderson wouldn’t relish the caretaker’s bill of fare, I’m afraid," Harvey said significantly.
"I guess you’re right. And that brings me back to the thing I intended particularly to speak about. Those Scotchmen were properly beaten, as your score-card shows. But you don’t give the real reason—and it’s the kind of a reason everybody likes to hear about. For all you say, any one would think it was a mere matter of skill. Now, of course, we all know the reason—it’s the moist time they were having that licked them. Most of them were full. Of course, it wouldn’t do to put it that way—nobody’d enjoy that. But it’s a capital chance for some delicate word-painting—keep it kind of veiled. Say something like this: ’our genial visitors drank deep of the spirit that was much in evidence throughout the game.’ Or, better still: ’our genial visitors became more and more animated by their national spirit as the game wore on—some of them seemed quite full of it.’ Or something like this: ’in liquid prowess our British cousins far outran us—if, indeed, that be the proper verb, since many of our friends were in various degrees of horizontality before the game was finished.’ You see, a description like that appeals to the imagination—it’s subtle—keeps readers guessing. Or this would be a fine way of putting it: ’it was evident yesterday that the little finger plays an important part in the ancient game of bowling on the green’—something like that. What I’m getting at, Simmons, is this—there’s a great chance there for something humorous, and a journalist ought to make the most of it. What makes you look so glum, Simmons?—I don’t believe you’ve got much sense of humour yourself."