NO GARDEN
Joan sat up with little Tom till three in the morning, when
she was relieved by Cissie. He had to be fed at intervals of half
an hour with beef tea, and given his medicine periodically.
Had she not been sitting up, she could not have slept, owing
to the noise in the adjoining house, that commenced at eleven, when Mr. Myatt returned to his family from the public-house in a hilarious condition.
The disturbance began at the moment when he tottered over the
threshold, where he was met full face by a volley of reproaches
from his wife, which he attempted to silence by butting at her
with his bald head.
Then ensued a heated altercation upon the stairs, which he
surmounted with difficulty and not without lapses, as his wife
preceded him, retreating backwards, lashing at him with her
tongue, and slapping at his bald pate with her hands, whilst
Polly harassed his rear by dragging at his coat tails.
In time, by sheer weight and force, he succeeded in reaching
the landing, where, taking advantage of the obfuscation of his
mind, wife and daughter succeeded in inveigling him into Polly's
room, and turning the key on him from the outside. Once within, however, the Myatt père awoke to the fact that he had been trapped, and rained kicks and blows with his fist on the door.
As these proved ineffectual, he next projected his person
against the valve, and with a crash came out again on the
landing. Whether he had actually burst the door from its hinges, or whether, fearing destruction of property, Mrs. Myatt had, at the supreme moment, unfastened the door, Joan was unable to decide.
Whichever way he obtained his liberation, the result was only
reached by his prostration on the floor of the landing.
From this position Mr. Myatt succeeded in raising himself to a
sitting posture, from which, like a howitzer, he discharged oaths
and profanities at the heads of his wife and daughter, to which
they replied with expletives in high-pitched tones.
This continued for many minutes, till it occurred to the
gentleman to rise to his feet, which he did with considerable
difficulty, and then, in despite of protest, entered his own
sleeping apartment, which adjoined that of Joan, divided from it, as we know, by a single brick partition. When once there she heard every movement and every word with such distinctness, that Joan felt almost as if she were an eye-witness to the domestic broil.
Arrived in his own bedroom, Mr. Myatt, in the first place, proceeded to stretch himself and yawn vociferously, and then to get into bed with his boots on, and in a position the reverse of that usual, and to cross his feet with a grunt of satisfaction on the pillow.
Apparently the passionate longing of his soul was for sleep, and the efforts of his wife, ably seconded by his daughter, were directed towards making him do so in the approved position.
Thereupon ensued a momentary lull, during which Mrs. and Miss
Myatt by signs concerted a surprise attack, and then, suddenly, the two precipitated themselves on his feet, and each laying hold of a leg, by a back rush carried him off the bed, and he fell on to the floor with a bump that shook the whole habitation and that adjoining it.
The storm now waxed more furious. To his deep bellows
responded the shrill invectives of his wife and daughter. Joan
caught her own name repeatedly employed, together with "shame," so that she discovered that she was being employed as a projectile to humble the common enemy. The resistance of Mr. Myatt became for a while weaker, as in being drawn off the bed he had apparently dragged blanket and coverlet along with him, and had involved himself in these wraps, which, getting at one moment about his head, muffled his voice, and at another about his feet, impeded action, and continuously engaged his hands in attempts to extricate himself.
Thus the contest proceeded, the fortunes alternating, till
about two in the morning, when Mr. Myatt gained a complete
triumph, in that he succeeded in expelling the women from his
room, shutting them out, and fastening the door upon them, by
dragging a chest of drawers against it. After that he flung
himself with a crash upon the bed, and blew a flourish of
victorious snorts.