For the first time in a long period he felt all the old associations of his childhood revive--all the influences of religion, never really abjured, kindle again. He could hardly attend to the service. He did not consciously listen to the music or observe the rites, but he felt it all in his inmost soul; and as he knelt all the blackness of his sinful participation in deeds of cruelty and murder--for it was little else--all the baseness of his ingratitude in allowing, nay, nurturing, unbelief in his soul, in trying, happily very successfully, _not_ to believe in God, came upon him.
He had come to consult his natural father, as he thought, and to offer himself to his direction as an obedient son: he now rather sought the priest, and reconciliation as a prodigal to his Heavenly Father as the first step necessary, for in those days penitence always found vent in such confession.
But both father and priest were united in Alphege; and after the Chapter Mass he sought the good infirmarer, and craved of his charity to make his confession.
Will it be believed? his father did not know him. It was indeed years since they had met, and it was perhaps difficult to recognise the child in this young warrior, now come to man's estate--at least to man's height and stature.
Alphege marked the tear-bedewed cheek, the choking voice; he knew the signs of penitence; he hesitated not for a moment.
"My son, I am not the _pænitentiarius_ who ordinarily receives strangers to Confession."
"But I wish to come to thee. Oh, father, I have fought against it, and almost did Satan conquer in me: refuse me not."
Father Alphege had composed himself in the usual way for the monotonous recitation of human sin--all too familiar to his ears--but as he heard he became agitated in himself. The revelation was clear, none could doubt it: he recognised the penitent.
"My son," he said at the close, "thy sin has been great, very great. Thou hast joined in ill-treating men made in the image of God; thou art stained with blood; thy sin needs a heavy penance."
"Go thou to the Holy Land, take the Cross, and employ thy talents for war in the cause of the Lord."
"On that condition I absolve thee;" and the customary formula was pronounced.