Do as your mother tells you, you little rascal.
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I am a boy eighteen years old and am in love with a bootlegger’s daughter. How can I tell her that I love her—=_Al. Hambra._=
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—What are the secrets of success?—=_Harold Lloydette._=
“Push,” said the button; “Take Pains,” said the window; “Never be led,” said the pencil; “Be up to date,” said the calendar; “Always keep cool,” said the ice; “Never lose your head,” said the hammer; “Make light of everything,” said the fire; “Find a good thing and stick to it,” said the glue.
=_Dear Old Skip_=—What are goofus feathers?—=_U. N. Omeal._=
=_Dear Admiral_=—What is the easiest way to catch a whiffempoof?—=_A. Fisher._=
Throw a plug of tobacco in the water and hit him on the head with a club when he comes up to spit.
=_Dear Captain Bill_=—Why is it that flies can’t see in the winter time?—=_I. C. Fairlywell._=
I suppose it is because they leave their specs behind in the summer time.
=_Dear Skipper_=—Can you dig me up a girl if I come to Robbinsdale to visit you?—=_Geehell._=
Sure, but what’s the matter with me getting you a live one?
=_Dear Skipper_=—What is funnier than a one-arm man trying to wind his wrist watch?—=_Horace._=
=_Dear Skip_=—How is hash made?—=_Hi Water Shuz._=
=_Dear Breezy Bill_=—What’s your idea of the height of optimism?—=_Peter Outt._=
Changing your socks from one foot to the other so that the toes will not fit the holes.
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—Do you think that if I hired a pretty stenographer I would take more interest in my business?—=_J. G. P._=
I don’t know whether you would take more interest in your business, but I know your wife will.
=_Dear Skipper_=—Who was the first original profiteer?—=_C. Serpent._=
The whale that swallowed Jonah; he grabbed all the Prophet in sight.
In case your Ford misses, look in the exhaust pipe.
Dear Editor: While coming over to America on a steamer, the mate rushed up to me and threatened to blow up the ship if I didn’t give him a kiss.
I saved the lives of four hundred people.
Lives of ’skeeters all remind us, While short skirts are all the go, That to them existence must be Just one great big burlesque show!
=_Yes, Gus, ’tis sad but only too true that in Georgia the peaches grow on the limbs while at the beaches—but why break the monotony?_=
