During that day we had to make a trip further downtown, and so used the subway again. Seated opposite to us was a very nice girl with her mother, and her legs were crossed—that is, the girl’s legs were. As Gus may remember, or rather, as Gus will never forget, there is a subway breeze wafting through these cars, and it was wafting just then. The mother noticed it, and although she spoke sotto voice—whatever that is—we heard her say to the girl: “Put your leg down, Rosie, der vind ist blowin’ der dress up.” “That’s all right, ma,” said the girl, “I ain’t deformed.” And seated directly opposite, we knew that the lady was quite correct.
While waiting with a friend the other evening for a Times Square traffic jam to disentangle itself, the friend drew our attention to a taxicab stalled at the curb just where we were standing. Or, to be precise, he drew our attention to the contents of the cab. She was a queen if there ever was one. Said our friend: “Shouldn’t mind being in there with that one.” “We should,” we replied. “Already the clock says $9.60.”
“Don’t yo’ all know it’s wrong to shoot craps?” piped the preacher as he discovered a portion of his congregation pursuing the Goddess of Chance.
“Yas, suh,” admitted one parishioner, languidly, “an’ bulieve me, Ah’s payin’ fo’ mah sins.”
LOOK—I must sell my shoe hospital, as I am getting tired of sitting. 6383, Journal.
“Why I heard your wife say that if you owned the Atlantic Ocean you wouldn’t even give a clam a gargle.”
A certain young man named McGirth, Was born on the day of his birth, He was married they say On his wife’s wedding day, And he died on his last day on earth.
Pat was passing a graveyard one day and read on a tombstone, “I still live.”
“Be jabbers,” said Pat, “if I was dead sure I’d own up to it.”
I enlarge your babies and frame them for only $5.00.
A man I know kicked up a row That stirred the neighbors wrath He walked up to a lady cow And slyly pinched her calf.
$10 REWARD. Black mare stolen. Return to W. W. Bell, Tyner, Tenn. Small wart in ear, tail chewed off at hocks; mane lays on both sides of neck; slightly reel-footed in two feet, one front, one hind; $25 if thief is with horse.
Mother (to battered son)—George, how many times have I told you to stop and count to a hundred before fighting?