“Now, sir, not for your sake, nor for my sake, but for God’s sake, I give you this bread.”
The tramp accepted the offering and had got as far as the gate when he suddenly turned and came back where his benefactress was waiting to see him safely out.
“Say, miss,” he drawled, “not for your sake, nor for my sake, but for God’s sake put some butter on it.”
“Mother, mother, mother, turn the hose on me!” sang little Willie, as his mama was dressing him one morning.
“You’ve put my stockin’s on wrong side out,” he said.
The will of Stephen Girard provided that no clergyman should ever be allowed to enter the splendid Girard College at Philadelphia.
One day a very clerical looking man, with immaculate white cravat and choker, approached the entrance.
“You can’t come in here,” said the janitor.
“Oh,” said the janitor, “excuse me. Step right in.”
It is said that the visitor was the late State Senator Sessions, of Western New York.
The following anecdote of ex-President Roosevelt’s youth is told:
When Roosevelt was a student at Harvard he was required to recite a poem in public declamation. He got as far as a line which read:
“When Greece her knees in suppliance bent,” when he stuck there.
“When Greece her knees...,” but could get no farther.
The teacher waited patiently, finally remarking:
“Grease her knees again, Roosevelt, then perhaps she’ll go.”
A Young graduate in law, who had had some experience in New York City, wrote to a prominent practitioner in Arkansas to inquire what chance there was in that section for such a one as he described himself to be. He said: “I am a Republican in politics, and an honest young lawyer.” The reply that came seemed encouraging in its interest: “If you are a Republican the game laws here will protect you, and if you are an honest lawyer you will have no competition.”
Brown--“Ah! they’ve just dropped the anchor.”
Mrs. B.--“And served ’em right! It’s been dangling outside all the morning!”
As the immaculate young woman and the tired but happy-looking young man entered the Pullman, followed by a grinning porter, the other passengers became “wise” in a moment. The stout drummer leaned over to the man behind him and remarked:
Every one turned to view the newcomers, who had deposited themselves vis-à-vis in No. 4. As if unconscious of any scrutiny, the young man said, in a high, nasal voice: