From _Vlaerding_ I went to _Schiedam_, a small Town abounding in Fishery; and where Abundance of Busses, Cord, and Network is made. Here entring a House, the first Thing (as in other Houses) I encounter’d was a Looking-Glass and next other Utensils of a Family, marshalled about the Room like so many Watch-men. Were the Knacks of all their Houses set together, they would far exceed the Trumpery of _Deard_’s Toyshop in _Fleet-street_, or the Court of Requests; and if you want to speak _Dutch_, you may learn a great deal from their Signs, for what they are they always write under them. Coaches and Carts are as rare as Comets; and all their Merchandize they draw through the Streets on Sledges, as we do our Traytors on Hurdles to _Tyburn_. Their Rooms being but as so many Sand-Boxes, you must either go out to spit, or blush when you see the Mop brought. As their Beds require a Ladder or Stairs to get into ’em, you are in Danger of breaking your Neck if you tumble out; and as they keep their Houses cleaner than their Bodies, so do they take Care to have their Bodies cleaner than their Souls. They are not so nice-conscioned, but that they can turn out Religion to let in Policy; and a _Dutch_ Woman, being the Head of the Husband, she takes the Horn to her own Charge, which she often multiplies, and bestows the Increase on her Man. The People are generally boorish, therefore their Country is the God they Worship, War is their Heaven, Peace is their Hell, and the _Spaniard_, the Devil they hate.
From _Schiedam_ I went to _Rotterdam_, the second great Emporium of this trading People, situated on the Side and Banks of the _Maes_, and fitted for all Conveniency of Transport and Importation. Here, as in other Places, I found I might sooner convert a _Jew_, than make a _Dutchman_ yield to Arguments that cross him, because his Spirits are generated from _English_ Beer; and his Body is built of pickled Herring, which makes him testy. If you see him fat, he hath been rooting in a Cabbage Ground, and that bladder’d him; he is as churlish as his Breeder _Neptune_; and the Love of Gain is as natural to him, as Water to a Goose, or Carrion to any Kite. Truth and Honesty is as scarce here as Hedges; they are seldom deceiv’d, because they trust no Body; and Complement is an Idleness they were never train’d in. They shall abuse a Stranger for nothing; and after a few base Terms scotch one another to a Carbanado. All that help them not, they hold popish; and take it for an Argument of much Honesty, to rail bitterly against the King of _Spain_. Every thing is so made to swim among them, that it is a Question if _Elijah_’s Ax were now floating there, whether it would be taken for a Miracle. The Shipping is the _Babel_ which they boast on for the Glory of their Nation; and they are in a manner all _Aquatiles_, and therefore the _Spaniards_ call them Water-Dogs. A _Turkish_ Man of War is as dreadful to them as a Falcon to a Mallard, from whom their best Remedy is to steal away; and Sailors among ’em, are as common as Beggars with us, besides the _Dutch_ Tarpaulins will drink, rail, swear, niggle, steal, and be lousie alike. Slime, humid Air, Water, and wet Diet, have so bagg’d their Cheeks, that some would take their Paunches to be gotten above their Chins; and bring under a democratical Government, tell them of a King in Jest, and they will cut your Throat in Earnest; for they hate the Name of Majesty more than a _Jew_ doth Images, a Woman pure Virtue, or a Nonconformist a Surplice; and it is reported that there is but a Sheet of Paper betwixt _Rotterdam_ and Hell, which is a nearer Way to old Nick than by _Rochester_.