Q.—Who is the movie actress whose horse ran away with her recently?
A.—This blushing experience befell May Allison recently while enacting the famous ride of Lady Godiva in Hollywood. The scene was made at night and (Miss Allison clad only in a long flowing blonde wig) was riding her horse down the street when the animal took fright at the brilliant lights and made a bolt for a public street.
Two neighbor women were having a word battle over the backyard fence.
Mrs. Brown—“I know more about your husband than you do.”
Mrs. Jones—“Then you had better keep silent, as I know more about you than your husband does.”
Izzy was seen with an enormous diamond pin. His friend Moe couldn’t understand where Izzy got a thousand dollars to pay for it, so Izzy explained. “My uncle died and left one thousand dollars for a stone to his memory. I was the executor, and this is the stone.”
“Have you anything to say before leaving the stand?” asked the judge, after pronouncing a death sentence upon a negro murderer.
“Yes, suh, jedge,” replied the prisoner. “I wants to say right here dat dis is gonna be a lesson to me.”
The melancholy days have come, The saddest of the year; It’s much too warm for moonshine, And too cold for darned near beer.
Hashish Kid—“This is a grand town. Just imagine a quart of hooch at 50 cents a bottle.”
Thirsty Stranger—“S’sh! Where can I get it?”
“I don’t know.” I said, “just imagine it.”
I said: Good man, can you help me, I’m a millionaire dead broke; But the poor old man was deaf and dumb, I could tell by the way he spoke.
Officer—“Why didn’t you salute? Don’t you know I’m a captain?”
Buck Private—“That’s a darn good job. Hang on to it.”
“Late house tonight, my love,” she’ll say, “Midnight or later maybe, If I’m not home till break of day, You stand to with the baby.”
I have a wife and I have a flivver. My license to run the flivver is o. k., but my license to run my wife absolutely is the bunk.
Speaking of women having more sense than men, did you ever notice that when the baby gets big enough to walk father wants to give away the baby carriage, but mother puts it in the garret?
At the Quaint Shop in Sterling, Ill., one can buy bead necklaces, “so beautiful,” as the shop quaintly puts it, “that every woman will want a string to wear if she hasn’t anything else.”