"The neighbors heard the noise they made, And thought an earthquake lit; Yet all the while 'twas him and Sam As fit, and fit, and fit!!!!!!!!
"For miles around the noise was heard; Folks couldn't sleep a bit, Because them two rantankerous chaps Still fit, and fit, and fit!!!!!!!!!
"But jist at cock-crow, suddently, There came an awful pause, And I and my old man run out To ascertain the cause.
"The sun was rising in the yeast, And lit the hull concern; But not a sign of either chap Was found at any turn.
"Yet, in the region where they fit, We found, to our surprise, One pint of buttons, two big knives, Some whiskers, and four eyes!"
There's dramatic genius for you, my boy, and you will join me in raining a pint or so of tears in memory of one who perished because his mind had nothing to feed upon, and who left his bottle very empty.
Deferring for the present all account of the Mackerel strategy now coming slowly to a head and on foot, let me relate a little incident illustrative of the delicious loyalty of the taper women of America, and the intolerable baseness of the repulsive object called man:
There is in this city an intensely common-place masculine from Pequog, who has, for a wife, a small, plump member of that imperishable sex whose eyes remind me of wild cherries and milk. There never was a nicer little woman, my boy, and she can knit scarlet dogs, play "Norma," make charlotte russe, and do other things equally well calculated to confer immeasurable happiness upon a husband of limited means. Ever since the well-known Southern Confederacy first respectfully requested to be let alone with Sumter, she has been eager to fulfil woman's part in the war, and does not wake up the Pequogian more than twice of a night to talk about it.
'Twas at one o'clock on the morning of Tuesday last that she roused up the partner of her joys and sorrows, and says she:
"Peter, I do wish you'd tell me what I can do, as a woman, for my country."
"No, but what _can_ I do? Why wont you tell me what is really woman's part in the war?"
"Now, see here," says Peter, sternly. "I'm having so many nights, with the nap all worn off, over this business, that I can't stand it any longer. Just wait till tomorrow evening, and I'll think over the matter and tell you what really _is_ woman's part in the war."