Ill bred people are alwus the most cerimonius, the kitchen alwus beats the parlor in punktillio.
If yu want tew be good, all yu hav tew do is tew obey God, luv man, and hate the devil.
Politeness iz the cheapest investment I kno ov, it iz like lighting another man's kandle bi yours.
I rather admire the insolent civility ov a bull-tarrier, who only growls when i pass by him, but i never did like it in a man.
To be a good critic, requires more brains and judgment than most men possess.
It requires more good judgment to kno when tew talk, than what tew say.
The reason whi comik lektring is so hard tew do, iz bekauze most people go tew hear it out ov kuriosity, and kuriosity iz the hardest kind ov a thing tew suit.
Good books, mi dear, are the best friends yu kan hav, they never will cloy, and never will betray you.
A complasent man makes every boddy pleased with him, and what iz more, pleazed with themselfs.
If we couldn't neither laff nor kry, what miserable kritters we should be.
When a man gits so low down that he iz willing tew be despized, he has tuched bottom.
After all, great conversashional powers make a man more feared than beloved.
In grate crowds ov persons, like grate floks ov birds, thare iz mutch more noise and chattering than sense.
Thare are but dredful phew people who kan talk ten minnits tew yu without lugging into the conversashun their bak or stummuk akes.
Sins are the only things that I repent ov, i never could make ennything repenting ov blunders.
I thank the Lord for this, we all ov us hav some good thing tew lay our bad luk to besides ourselfs.
Whisky friends are the most unprofitable ones i kno ov, they are alwus reddy tew drink with yu, but when yu are reddy tew drink with them, then they _aint dry_.
I look upon a pure joke with the same venerashun that i do upon the 10 commandments.
Yu kant hire a man tew be honest, he will want hiz wages raized every morning.
The most suckcessful men i hav ever known, are those who are konstantly making blunders, but never seem tew kno it.
I kno plenty ov folks who are so kondem kontrary, that if they should fall into the river, they would insist upon floating up stream.
One ov the most reliable phrophets i kno ov iz an old hen, they dont phrophesy enny egg, untill after the egg haz happened.