In "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern," which is an unpretentious little "skit," covering only some sixteen or seventeen printed pages, Mr. Gilbert supposes that Hamlet is the son (not the step-son) of Claudius. "Rosencrantz is a lover of Ophelia, to whom Hamlet is betrothed, and they lay their heads together to devise a plan by which Hamlet may be put out of the way. Some Court theatricals are in preparation." Now, once upon a time, Claudius had written a tragedy, which was damned, and to which no one is allowed to make reference on pain of death. "Ophelia and Rosencrantz persuade Hamlet to play his father's tragedy before the king and court. Hamlet, who is unaware of the proscription, does so; and he is banished, and Rosencrantz happily united to Ophelia."
In the first act, Rosencrantz, who has never seen Hamlet (apparently, because the former has been abroad), asks Ophelia what the Prince is like, and that gives Mr. Gilbert an opportunity for some characteristic satire. Ophelia says of Hamlet that he is "alike for no two seasons at a time":--
Sometimes he's tall--sometimes he's very short-- Now with black hair--now with a flaxen wig-- Sometimes an English accent--then a French-- Then English with a strong provincial "burr." Once an American and once a Jew-- But Danish never, take him how you will! And, strange to say, whate'er his tongue may be, Whether he's dark or flaxen--English--French-- Though we're in Denmark, A. D. ten--six--two-- He always dresses as King James the First!
_Oph._ Well, there again Opinion is divided. Some men hold That he's the sanest far of all sane men-- Some that he's really sane, but shamming mad-- Some that he's really mad, but shamming sane-- Some that he will be mad, some that he _was_-- Some that he couldn't be! But, on the whole (As far as I can make out what they mean), The favourite theory's somewhat like this: Hamlet is idiotically sane With lucid intervals of lunacy.
In the second act, the Queen, observing that Hamlet is about to soliloquise, urges Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to "prevent this, gentlemen, by any means":--
Anticipate his points, And follow out his argument for him; Thus you will cut the ground from 'neath his feet, And leave him nought to say.