Children are like vines; they will klimb the pole yu set up for them, be it krooked or strate.
Happiness iz not only the choicest posseshun, but tha cheapest; it kosts nothing, if you only think so.
The devil iz the father ov lies, but he failed tew git out a pattent for hiz invenshun, and hiz bizzness iz now suffering from competishun.
Maxims tew be good should be az sharp az vinegar, az short az pi krust, and az trew az a pair ov steelyards.
A nickname will outlast all a man's deeds, be they good, bad, or indifferent.
Phun iz the best phisick i kno ov; it iz both cheap and durable.
The three gratest luxurys ov life are, a klear conshience, a good appetight, and sound slumber.
Pashion iz like fire, a good servant, but a bad master.
The gay are alwus looking ahead, and the sad are always looking back; it iz a grate pitty they don't change works with each other.
A pedant iz a very learned individual, who mistakes a pop-gun for a pistill.
Perseveranse will conker enny thing but muskeeters; the only way tew conker them iz tew bak out.
A bigot iz a kind ov human ram, with a good deal ov wool over hiz eyes, but no horns.
It dont require but a phew branes tew make up an atheist, for the less a man knows the less he generally beleaves.
The man who tries tew please everyboddy iz az fickle bi natur az a puppy.
Plezzure iz like mollassiss, tew mutch ov it spiles the taste for everything.
The most miserable people i kno ov are thoze who make plezzure a bizzness; it iz like sliding down a hill 25 miles long.
Thare iz no seed so sure tew produce a big yield az wild oats, and the krop iz repentance.
Politeness iz like ginger-pop, there ain't mutch nourishment in it, but it haz a pleazant pop and a refreshing flavor.
Profane swaring in a man iz like continual crowing in a barn-yard rooster, a plan tew keep their courage or importanse.
Thare iz one kritter in this world whoze trubbles yu kant console, and she iz--a setting hen.
Thoze persons who spend all ov their spare time watching their simptoms, are the kind who enjoy poor health.
Whenever a minister haz preached a sermon that pleazes the whole congregashun, he probably haz preached one that the Lord wont endorse.
Evry boddy seems tew be willing to be a phool himself, but he kant bear tew hav ennyboddy else one.