_Arth._ Hubert, good Hubert, how are you to-day?
_Hub._ I must not listen to his childish chatter, For if I do he'll melt my heart like batter. (_Aside_) Look here, young Arthur (_gives warrant_): can you understand This paper, written in a large text hand?
_Arth._ Oh, can I read it?--oh, unhappy youth! Must you with pinchers then take out my tooth?
_Arth._ Oh, it's too bad--when you were taken ill, Who was it to the chemist's ran full gallop, To get a penny dose of salts and jalap! And when I've seen you, after dining out, When you've made free at some hot drinking bout, Have I not always been extremely willing To give for soda-water my last shilling? And you'll take out my tooth? If you will, come-- I'll not resist,--here is my tooth, by gum!
_Hub._ Young boy, I've sworn to do it--do not flinch: These instruments must help me at a pinch. Come forth! (_Stamps_.)
_Enter_ Ruffian, _with a pewter basin_, _towel_, etc.
_Arth._ Hubert, stay: My tooth is out--do send that man away. (Ruffian _seizes_ Arthur.)
_Hub._ Now for the pinchers--now for one bold tug.
_Arth._ Why be so boisterous? I will hold my mug. For Heaven's sake, Hubert, send that man away, And not a word against it I will say. Hubert, thy word indeed shall be my law; My tooth is out: see, I will hold my jaw!
_Hub._ (_to Ruffian_). Go, stand without; I by myself will do it.
_Ruffian._ Indeed 'twould make me ill were I to view it.
Elsewhere King John sings, to the air of "The Light of other Days," this excellent parody:--
The robe of other days has faded, Its gloss has from it pass'd; For dust with little specks has shaded The stuff too fine to last. The robe of velvet made of cotton, For wear much better pays; But, alas! how shabby this I've got on, The robe of other days!
The coat that is not worth a stiver, An old and worn-out thing, When touch'd with black and blue reviver, Like a new one up will spring. You may dye the coat of one that's needy, Of stuff as coarse as baize; But the robe is done for when 'tis seedy, The robe of other days.
The first burlesque of "Romeo and Juliet" was brought out at the Strand in the same year as that which saw the birth of A'Beckett's "King John." The author was Maurice G. Dowling, who succeeded in producing something worthy to rank with his "Othello." In his "Romeo and Juliet" Montagu and Capulet are rival basket-makers, "Mr." Mercutio being foreman to the former, who also has "Mr. Ben Volio" in his employ. Tybalt is a fireman and ratcatcher to the Duke of Mantua; "Mr." Friar Laurence, a "black-and-white-smith" at Gretna Green. Romeo talks in illiterate fashion, and at one point sticks a pin into Paris's back! Miss Daly was the Juliet, and she and Hammond (as Romeo) had to speak, in the balcony scene, such lines as these:--